young love.

Science Fairy Tale. :))

2009-09-14T04:42:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there lived a queen named Elisa who passed her thrown to the next princess Teresa. She was once married to the King of Pattytlicious, King Joe. In their span of marriage, they only had one daughter, Madonna. Even though they wanted to give Madonna a younger sibling, they couldn’t. Their last sought was to seek the witch Pat. The most beautiful witch in the world, however, people gets fooled with her stunning beauty. Everyone thought she was a calm, quiet and peaceful. But within her, she’s evil especially to Queen Teresa, for she had married the man of her dreams, Joe.

One day, Joe was so desperate to give a younger sibling to Madonna that she sought Pat though the rules of Teresa do not encourage.

“Pat, are you in there?”

“Who’s there?” answered Pat, who sounded like Mary Poppins.

“Joe Jonas, king of Pattylicious.”

“Hold on.” She answered, hurrying for this was a once in a lifetime visit.

After a long time of chatting, King Joe got to the point.

“I need another child for Madonna. Would you help me?”

“Why yes. Go home and you’ll find another one I will send you.”

When Joe got home, he saw Pat in the house. Shocked, Pat began the show. She was so angry and sad that King Joe wouldn’t love her and reversed the magic. She divided Madonna into two personalities. The good one and the bad one. Joe regretted going to Pat after everything that has happened. After years, Teresa finally had enough and sent the bad Madonna away. Far far away that no one knew where she is. What happened to the good one? She got married to a man named Edward, King Edward Cullen, king of Patness even though the good Madonna is ugly. Because of Edward’s kind and passionate heart, he saw true love with Madonna. They became united and happy, unstoppable and free. Obviously, it was a happy ending.

Ever wonder why only Teresa sent away the bad Madonna? It’s because Joe was dead and Teresa sought new love with King Nick, King of East Pat. Both of them were widows. Teresa having Madonna as her daughter, and Nick having Miley and Selena as his children before they got married. After months of Teresa and Nick’s marriage, they bore a son, Prince Chulalongkorn. He was ugly, but he had a kind heart. He was always rejected by his siblings, but he never gave up. Although Miley and Selena were the only ones who bring happiness to the family, this wasn’t an obstacle for him to be accepted in the family. In fact he accepted this fact as a challenge that ought to mold him into a better person.

Until one day, Selena and Miley thought of going into a party that their parents didn’t allow. As much as Chulalongkorn tried to stop them, they still pushed their ways. Chulalongkorn, as worried as his parents were, he followed his sisters to where they were going. At the exact time he arrived, boys suddenly approached Selena and Miley that were drunk. Miley and Selena were very scared. Until Chulalongkorn stopped the guys. Beating them with his own fist. After he knocked down the drunk guys, Miley and Selena approached him; thanked him for if he wasn’t there, something could’ve happened to them. And apologized, for all the wrong mistakes they have done to him.

At last, the family are united and happy. Chulalongkorn was accepted by his sisters and they all lived happily ever after!

The End.

Dear Jerom :)))))

2009-07-29T03:44:00.001-07:00

Grabbed from kuya Patrick =)) Natawa ako e. Kaya ginaya ko =))

Dear Jerom,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm selling myself for candy. I think I realized it that night you picked you nose at the mental hospital and I saw you carve your initials into my knee caps. I'm sure you're cowardly enough to understand how awful you are. I'm returning your love letters to me to you, but I'll keep my common sense as a memory. You should also know that I get sick when i think of your feet and you ruined my attempts at another world war.

Please don't hurt me,
Pat

Hahahaha! Gawin niyo na lang din para masaya =)))

Here's how you do it (TAG PEOPLE TO DO IT TOO BTW):

Dear (last person you talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning your (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).

(12),
your name

1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forrest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August - When you smacked my ass
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat -shamed

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbor’s dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Go milk a cow
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Best of luck on the sex change
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself

intrams.

2009-02-01T23:30:00.000-08:00

i feel like posting here rather than my blog. this is originally made here.

hamadryads. my first intrams in the mindanao building, and as for now, i get excited for the upcoming years. if my 1st intrams was fun, what would it be like in the upcoming years? let's be full-heartedly honest. i love my 1st year, doubt it and i'll kill you. and intrams was one of the main reasons why i chose to stay at Seton. intrams was hard. staying under the sun for hours, practicing the cheer though your throat is dry, and presenting a descent performance. siguro nga dahil freshmen kami kaya wala pa masyado pressure.

even though we were starters, i do beleive that we presented a good cheer and sportsmanship. wala pa kami karapatan magyabang, bata pa kami e.. but this experience was packed in my suitcase of memories. something i should treasure as i grow old.

my only game, futsal, was fun. though i had encounter the other egos of the other batch. i was shocked of this certain year knowing from the comments of my teacher, they were the best batch. well maybe, they weren't. there was a ball that was about to hit me. psychological reasons i'll puch it away. kapal ng mukha mo para sabihin na "futsal to, di basketball." yes, nahurt ako, kahit sino naman e. SORRY AH, TAO LANG.

to the other batches, thanks for making us at home during the intrams week. sana next year ulit.

next year? sophomore. is it worth something to wait? maybe not. from the criticisms of teachers, it feel like i don't want to continue the coming intramurals. kung pwede lang iskip ang E e, CRED na lang..

to this someone, please lang, kailangan namin kayo next year. di niyo pa naman kami masyado nakikilala, kaya pa naman namin magbago. wag niyo kami iwasan. di pa kami sanay ng mag isa lang.. marami nag sabi na astig kayo, siguro naman kaya niyo ishare kahit konting kaastigan samin. kailangan namin kayo, sana maayos natin problema natin.

this day, is one of my downs. ayoko macompare. sa upcoming batch na matatalo daw kami, bigyan niyo naman kami ng dignidad. masakit man isipin pero natanggap ko na, ayokong matalo ng mas mababa. pride ko yun e. :-< fair treatment naman, kung ano dinanas namin, ganun din sana sa lahat.

baka naman pwede masingitan ng kahit konting saya. palagi na lang ganto e. pa ulit ulit.

forever gone.

2009-01-21T16:07:00.000-08:00

these are my last words. it's been months of bitterness that latter on i realized it wasn't just you who i was bitter with, you weren't the only one who wasn't having any moving on. it's been months since we last talked, and more months since we last had our own thing. i knew from the very last day that you were ignoring me. and despite that fact, i still acted the same to you. i never changed my attitude to you. i still wanted you, that wasn't any act.

and just like any story, everything has to come to an end. even twilight has to end. everything has to end. and sadly, this is ours. but hey, don't frown. it happened. don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. the grieving part is at the last part. don't consider the loss. if it's not yet time, let fate handle it.

and i admit, i missed who we are. and i have to move on, everything is pointless. what do you want me to do? lay flat on the floor, grieving for you to come back. cry to death, kneel in front of you? it's over. and never coming back, maybe sooner or later.

and this season's of loneliness and months of being sole, i met my friends. which helped me pick up the shattered pieces. as time passes by, i realized i didn't need you and it took me months to get over my disease.

i'm stopping the story though i have done it all. maybe post it on the other blog and get rid of it in my flash disk. these are my farewell words before i enter another 3 dimensional world. a whole new world. and whatever happens, you'll always be my sweetest piece. sweetest of the past, sweetest of my teenage memory. nothing beats first love, it never dies.

and so, Trevor and Cassiopeia went there separate ways. distraught in their own ways, parting from unsaid goodbye. C didn't even have the chance to tell Trevor how much she loved him. and it was too late. she made the biggest mistake anyone could ever make.

this is the start of my ending. publishing a new book with more heart break. i won't hunt for love now, i'll sit back and wait for it to catch me.

Dead End. New Game. Restart.

the end.

lights, camera, heartbreak.

the war is on.

2009-01-14T16:16:00.000-08:00

That lunch time with Jonathan Fullerton and with his chums, and my chums? was fun. Bryan Adams and I were . . . friends, but that was before. If he wanted a war with me, I could join him. I’m unlike him who leaves in the air. Suddenly lost. That wasn’t me, it was Bryan Adams, and I laughed. He didn’t know he was hated by almost everyone. He was such a loser.
That lunch made me closer with Madison Phoenix, and by one day, she was my mother. I was part of the family tree. But was this the right thing to do? Be friends with others? Socialize with others? . . . I couldn’t leave my friends, but Paula . . . seems to hate my closeness with them.

In an instant, I knew Pau hated it. These group of people were . . . not close with her. She looks at things not my way. She has a whole lot perspective. And Jonathan’s friends, were sort of close with me. So, how the hell should I stop? Or should I?
Marge and Pau seems to look at this moment as a betrayal. This group of people were the no-care-for-future. Cause what they worry about is their happiness. And I must say, they really are happy. But my friendship with Margaret and Paula is more unpredictable. It was like, we’re preparing for the future. So what shall I choose? My happiness for the moment or my future that shall soon prevail?

And I just don’t get the point of Paula. She thinks . . . I’m bored with her. So how will I prove I’m just chums with these people and best friends with her? I just don’t like the feeling of her getting mad at me. No way. That would be against my will, against what I really feel. Paula’s been a part of me, and I couldn’t afford to lose her.
Back with Bryan Adams, I’m still not over him. My nerves didn’t want to get over him. He was my arch enemy, and not even fate will stop me from hating him, cause just like any wound, it heals, but never gets out of sight. The scar will be seen forever, and the pain would be remembered. And so, I have no plans of being friends with you again. It will just be a cycle.
And I don’t care if I mess up with other people, especially Madison. Though she’s been very important to me, I’d rather be civil to her than be friends with you again, cause I couldn’t afford your arrogance anymore. And your b*ll**** alphaness. Just to prove you, I could live without following your nonsense unwanted commands. Everything will be as it is. No changes, except that I’m not under your umbrella anymore.

And what if Pau and Marge would hate me too? For my friendship with them. . . will they leave me? I hope they don’t. they’re the only one’s I’ve got. The real people.
Everything will be as it is. Rocks, if thrown, would still be rocks. Papers, if crumpled and tear would still be papers. And plastics, though how many times they’ve been hurt and stepped at, will remain plastics. Those are what you call useless people. Cold. They feel like they’re important, yet they are senseless. Why would you care to a person who doesn’t show care for you?

But behold, nothing lasts forever, so maybe, just maybe they’ll change. Nothing lasts forever. Just like Trevor. And nothing lasts forever, just like my sweet feelings for him. Will it be bitter? I hope not. Civil and gallant would be fine.
And when will this last? Til the end of never? I just wanted an impromptu yet breathless day. Some precious moment that I could say I could die, and would that be possible if the person who might actually make it possible was never coming? Never going back. And with his entity, my hope get higher. Shouldn’t it be slowing down? The fact that he was never willing to make my dream real, shouldn’t my chances get slimmer? And moving on is the hardest part of everything. Moving on over something you desired, something you can’t even get. Something that was hard for you to say goodbye to. How could you say goodbye to the person you didn’t want to go? You just have to. And that was the hardest.

And I was reading blogs when I saw this girl’s blog. I could really relate to it since it was hard for her to accept that the person she really likes doesn’t feel back. She was in my exact position. I was in her exact position. Just another chiasmus. Though her posts are really long, and since I had all the time, I read it. And when I reached the top, I have realized that maybe she was in a more painful manner. The person she likes doesn’t even know her, and seems not to care. She sees him everyday. It was very illogical because she doesn’t seem to be hurt. She seems . . . happy. And enlightened. Loving a person who doesn’t even know you, what more could a sadistic person find? I was jealous. She was happy that he was happy. And I was selfish. Shouldn’t be seeing him happy make me . . . feel happy? It just proves me that I’ve made the right decision. Or did I?

He was my moonlight. The shine of my nighttime. And I wasn’t part of any solar system he knew. I was just undiscovered. And if I was, unimportant. Useless, and unknown. Completely unanimous. I was head over heels. I needed to let go of him, though it will be very painful for me. At least one of us gets a happy ending. At least one gets happy, and unfortunately, that isn’t going to be me. Never.

chained reactions

2008-12-24T20:29:00.000-08:00

The bell rang in an instant. Good, at least if he plans to ask me again, I could answer, uhmm, maybe a little fast. And . . . meaningful. The past conversation was very, . . . boring. Full of explanations, and seemed nothing productive. My mind was set. No. if he did that for a dare, why the hell would he do it? If he cared for me, he shouldn’t have done that. It was his part of the plan to break me. I never asked for him to do that to me.

I didn’t pay attention to what he said afterwards. All I knew is that, ‘seems like we ran out of time. What if you join my friends today? Don’ worry, it’ll be acceptable. There are girls too, just incase you feel odd. Catch up letter, bye Cass.’

Maybe I heard it all wrong, or added some unsaid words. If I was really going to join them, that will be very very very odd. A whole new person to fit the group. And suddenly, I remembered. Bryan Adams. He was part of that group. He hates me. His alpha-ness don’t work on me. His connections don’t affect me. And most importantly, he was nothing more than a fake. A mob. Won’t that be fun? A whole new classic tease. Maybe he’d set off to kick Jonathan for making me join that day. But I’ll really be pleased to see him irritated. Nothing could make me happier than that.

I chuckled. I wanted to burst the laughter. Him, wanting me to go away. Me, being hard and rotten not wanting to go. HA HA. That would really be a sarcastic scene.

I immediately checked my schedule. Uh-oh. Literature’s next. The subject I’m seated with Trevor. At least I knew one thing, not to take the courage to talk to him. It was up to him now. After breaking everything of me, I didn’t know I’m giving him another chance. It was up to him to reach it. Though, it isn’t hard. Not that hard.

I walked inside the room. Not tilting my head towards him, towards his direction. I slit my locked hair to cover up half of my face to look into his perfect features. For him not to notice I was looking at him. My face covered it not perfectly. When I looked, our gaze met. That was just plain coincidence. I sighed. How the hell will I move on if were on a situation like this everyday? It was just a fake move if I was able to do this. Clutching away from an angel. My hazel eyed angel.

It was an hour and a half class. And he eyes seemed locked around me. I glanced. Once in a while. And I didn’t know how to react.

I blushed.

I still had my infatuation on him. And as time goes by, I learned that, it was all until there only. I shouldn’t love him. Neither do I have to force him to do, just plain adoration. We’re going to make a really good relationship with this. If we had to start a new one. a whole new relationship. Friends. It was the most ideal. For now.

Minutes that seemed hours past. Still, nothing productive was happening. Only Mr. Weber babbling about things we don’t even internalize. Others fake that they were listening. and others publicly slept. And Mr. Weber doesn’t even pay any attention. He was still talking and talking. . .

“uhmm, hi.” I heard a voice. it seemed velvet. Very sweet. I turned around to look. Nope, no one said that. My eyes went round. How about the person on my side? No! and because I couldn’t lie convincingly, even to myself, I had to check. My attempt was partly successful. Yup. It was him.

“. . . hello.” I smiled. Tracing back to my old position.

“Listen Cass, let’s do this from the top. Restart.”

“I hope not rewind. That would make us . . . still right this very moment.”

“Hi. I’m Trevor Johnson. I’m from Atlanta. I love to play games over the internet. And downloaded ones. I assume you are Ms. Cassiopeia Williams. Am I right?”

I didn’t know what to say. Should I answer to what he said, which clearly meant ‘yeah, we could restart again. And you could break me again.’ Or should I just stop this nonsense? But then, I still had the hope of him wanting me in his life. So, I had to respond. Find the words! Find the words! Answer to him. It was so loud in my head. Ok, plan c. right, I don’t have one.

“Right. That is me. How’d you know?” I saw a smile lighten his face. It was so perfect in place.

“I heard that she was very mysterious. She’s very beautiful, and smart. Was that right?” I blushed.

“I must say no. those weren’t true.”

“After seeing you, I believed them. You’re an angel.”

“Nothing’s more perfect than my hazel-eyed angel.”

“I’d be glad to know who that person is.”

“It’s a very long story.”

“I’m all ears.”

“Just be sure to catch up. So, he was my angel. We enjoyed blissfully in this world. We had our own place in it. We loved each other. We laughed together; we read together, we share stories. We cared about each other. Or should I say, I was the only one who cared.” I said it all fast.

“That’s very happy and sad to know. Why was that only you?” whoa. He was fast.

“He left me. The next day, he approached my place. He was so rude in banging out the doors. He wanted to wake me up for something so urgent. That same morning was the day Paula and Margaret ditched me. They went to school early and not wake me up. I received a note that my angel wanted to talk to me. At the library. I scanned my memory and remembered what I’ve done. I thought that it was just nothing. But then, I realized he didn’t want me anymore. He was going to leave me. And Lala and Marge’s ditching me was a symbolism. The same day my angel ditched me. The day he left me.”

Right. It was our day. The day he left me, and never sought a chance to apologize. I guess he got conscientious. I could see the naive in his sorry eyes.

“That’s . . . really frantic. What happened next?” he sounded amused. Great. That didn’t kick him in the ass. That was supposed to be a prerequisite.

“I was very sad. I got really upset. Who would have ever known that our story would ever fade? I always thought there was something in us. But I was just distraught. There was none. I knew it from the start. He could never be mine, but I didn’t stop. I was addicted to him, irrevocably. Though he never showed any affection to me, he implied to me, we could only be friends. And friends never become lovers. My hope was so high that it crashed deep down. But my angel didn’t feel any pain. He was happy to make that decision. He was sick of me.

“I went to the library. I was urgent, too. But only to leave. I expected this to happen, so why should I dare not to make that slow? The explanations would take to much time. And it’ll just bleed. Like the others. He talked to me and said it straight. Glad he cooperated. It all happened fast. And when things get fast, it’s so blurry. Understandable.”

“are you waiting for him to confront you?”

“yes. My hopes are still high. Like the crashing didn’t get any pain.”

“did you have the chance to ask him why he did that?”

“I have no plans to do so. It was all up to him. He could take everything of me. Cause he owns it. He could break me into many halves. He could kick me, take everything away. . . and if he loved me, maybe he’d get the best chance to fix this to. The crap that’s burning me. My heart.”

“maybe it was just a game. Maybe he was dared by his friends. Or maybe, his friend likes you. That when he lost the game, that friend wanted your angel to get rid of your relationship.”

“That would be very impossible. My angel wouldn’t do that to me.”

“what if he did that because he loved you so much? Because that friend was scaring him that maybe he’d hurt you?”

“what the?”

“what if he did that because he loved you so much? Because he wanted to protect you?!” the tone of his voice was so strong. Maybe he’d guessed it. It was him. My angel.

“you know what, I’m sick of explanations. If you have something to tell me, could you not waste your time on it?”

The bell rang in an instant. And I realized, the bell always saved me. From this unwanted portions of life. some things that are hard to avoid.

Walk out was all that I could do. I wasn’t going to fight back. He was so precious. I forgot to tell him one thing so I strived to turn around.

“and oh, nice meeting you Trevor Johnson.”

“my pleasure.”

I came out the classroom. It was our early lunch. There’d be a performance later so they called off the classes.

I went out. And there I saw Jonathan. I saw Olivia Simonet with him. I smiled. It was like a fancy drama. I knew Jonathan and Olivia were . . . together. And here I am butting between them. Ha ha! Hope Olivia won’t get mad at me.

As we walked, Olivia and Jonathan were joined with more friends, Madison Phoenix, Nicholas Taylor and Bryan Adams. And i was sure, I’ll enjoy the whole plot.

As we walked, Bryan started it already. Signaling me that the fight is on. War. If the whole story got fast, there are some things I would like to clarify.

Yup, Bryan and I aren’t in good terms. Because he was over my nerves, he got into it but unfortunately stuck in the middle. I’d crush him. Deep inside the nerves. And so, you might ask, why? It’s because he was making a fool of me. He was the one who humiliated me in the class, with Trevor. He showed a paper to the class that wrote along the lines of “go Trevor! I love you by: Cassiopeia.’ So, that was utterly rude. and as I writ, don’t you think I should be the one having the reason to be mad at him? Forgive me but the whole cycle is upside down. He was the one who got mad at me. And for that reason, the fight is on. He started it. I’ll finish it.

The Cassiopeia has changed. She isn’t the one who’s being conscientious whenever she’s in a fight. That just looks like a whole immature. And yes, Bryan Adams was different, because he knows who to be friends with just in case a scenario like this happens. He was a mob. A ruthless mob. And I must say, I’ve heard he was the leader of the batch, so, forgive me dear freshmen, but he’ll have to kneel to for me to work. And my pride won’t go down. It’s not as easy as it seems, but I’ll make his bow worthwhile.

“Hi Jonathan! Hi Olivia! Hi Madison! Hi Nicholas!” he looked at me. I almost laughed at his face, but since I wasn’t rude enough, I wouldn’t shout him at the face. Yet.

“uhm, Jonathan. May I ask a question?” I was starting to backfire.

“sure Cass,”

“what will happen if I don’t greet you hi?”

“uhmm, nothing.”

“that sounds great. so you won’t get pissed when I don’t greet you?”

“uhmm, no.”

“exactly. So if you attempt not to greet me, it would be fine. You won’t hurt my feelings.” Bryan’s eyes flickered. I wasn’t really entertained by this. That was just a nothing.

As we walked, I saw Marge and Pau. Pau’s eyes went straight. Oops. I forgot something. Something that shouldn’t be done.

I shuddered.

how much longer can this keep getting stronger?

sweet escape.

2008-12-23T00:14:00.000-08:00

“Don’t worry. I’m prepared.” I answered.

“I don’t like you.”

“mmm, ok.” Good, my voice was normal. Smooth.

“Aren’t you mad?”

“no, can I leave?”

“Cass, please. I need an answer.”

“I just did. No. now, am I allowed?”

“why didn’t you hate me? Why didn’t you punch me? Where’s the anger?”

“how could I be mad to someone I love. Someone I treasure more than my life. if you want me to hate you, might as well kill me.”

“Cass, I don’t deserve you.”

“ok. Can I leave?”

And before he could answer I turned around. I walked. Briskly. Did he notice? I hope he did. And somehow he didn’t. how could I show him I was hurt when I didn’t want him to know I was?

At least it was fast. Faster than I thought. I sucked up in my drama.

I went straight to my integrated science class. Good thing Prof. Michaels knew my situation, well. I was at the restroom whole day. Nice. I suck. I cried. That was . . . usual. And . . . necessary. I needed to let this out. This was the only way.

I cried. That was expected. And it proved, I really did love him. Did or do?

I needed to get this little piece of distress. My life won’t end up here, maybe not be meaningless, enough.

I went out. Things happened quickly, normal, unsatisfying. It wasn’t what I call a day, cause today was an official date, my death. I died, there was no use for all of that. I was no use at all. And I’m a damsel in distress again. Maybe halfheartedly, I didn’t want to see a man since Trevor announced and assured it. It was all over. My fantasy. My ecstasy. I didn’t want to see another person whom I could love, cause I have to love myself first. It has been a long time since I remembered to love myself. I’ve given all of me to him, and there was no use of loving myself.

The day has been rolling and rolling and rolling. It was all the same. There was no intensity, for once, I’ve learned to appreciate the tiny bit of things. splendid revenues. There was something more to see, but not even half of him. I’m still having a very hard time moving on. But I was successful in ignoring him. I hope he wasn’t dumb enough not to see it. For that day, I declared no communication and connection. I have deleted everything about him. His pictures, our songs. I was only successful ignoring, but not being able to break away.

If only he knew how much I want him. How much I need him. How much I crave for him. How much I appreciate him. How much I want to bring the best of me for him. How much I want us to be close. How much I want us to be Romeo’s fairy tale. And lastly, how much I love him, and how much I grip for him.

“I was going to let him go.” It wasn’t a statement that meant I’m never ever going to love you. I just have to sacrifice. You weren’t easy to deal with, but you are probably worth it. The game’s been played by many players. I have to see the base, but it was covered by the real girl, or your girl. The one you’re making my dreams come true. It was very painful to know. To reminisce. But there was no way I could avoid this. I couldn’t ignore my real feelings. Good thing it didn’t need publicity. It was kept, burden inside of me. It ached. So deep. Very steep.

I wanted to cry. Burst this solemnity. Burst this anger, hatred and pity. But there was no available place. After Trevor left me, he whole world turned its back at me.

All I know was I’m a damn crap. I was dumb. Cause maybe, just maybe, if I could have fought for him, if I have struggled for him, at least the length of time would be longer. And a very little chance. Probably. Maybe.

And this was what life is about. No one could be a spoiled brat. You can’t have things you want in an easy manner. And along the way comes betrayal. A mischief of those whom have left you. Open the eyes of the castaway. Anyone could betray you, even the least expected. And along this ways, mistakes could make you learn. Challenges make you strong. And with this kind of betrayal, I wouldn’t be surprised if . . . Bryan Adams would get mad at me. Ignore me. Make me hear things I shouldn’t be.

So my whole love story ended up with tears and bloody hell. With other people. We were just plain civil, for now. I guess.

“Cassiopeia! Cassiopeia! Hold on. I have something to tell you.” Jonathan Fullerton came to approach me. He was a . . . friend, though we had some misunderstandings from the past. Grade 5 to be specific.

“What now?” I answered, wiping all the weariness.

“I heard news about Trevor. . .” he said, and all the enthusiasm was gone.

“huh? What are you talking about?” I answered. Innocently.

“it was just a dare game. Cass, he’s into you. He dumped you cause he lost. We’re sorry. He was so humiliated to do this.”

“great. Lemme see, uhmm, how many days has past? And why the hell are you telling me these stuff? Stop it. I’m getting over him. Don’t make me push my luck again. I don’t want to hear any criticisms again. I want to get over him. Rid of him, and you know, this won’t help. I don’t want him to talk to me, cause if he does . . . just don’t tell me please. Don’t ---“ he stopped me. Well, at least implied. He wasn’t paying any attention to what I said.

“done?” he answered. That was so rude.

“sure. Sorry.”

“he’s been very sad and worried this past few weeks. He was waiting for you. He sought chance to talk to you, but you were going away. Running away. He wanted to confront you, but you were nowhere in sight. He was so desperate. He really wanted to talk to you, will you? Cassiopeia Williams? He’s been very upset.”

It was darn silent before any of us could speak. Well, my respond was repulsive. Silence. The words got mixed up in my head. I didn’t know what to say. How to react. Until finally, no one’s having a plan to talk. Jonathan was waiting for my answer. And to me, that was sincere. Waiting a very long unproductive moment.

“Jonathan, it’s not easy as it seems. I’ve been hurt, and the pain it caused has been very deep. Very painful. If this was all a dare, who would set that up? Why in the world would he dare him to hurt me? It could only be a sadist.”

“Mike Stewart. Obviously, he wanted the two of you not being linked. And chill Cass, it’s pretty obvious why he did all this.”

rise and shine.

2008-12-16T17:16:00.000-08:00

“Riiiiiiiiinggg.” My alarm clock shook my head. And since it was hi-tech (well, sort of.), you could pick it’s own beep. Mine was simple. “doodotdoodot, wake up Cassiopeia.” Haha, funny. It followed just after the ring.

I stood up from my bed. One eye closed. Then I noticed something. A note.

Dear Cassiopeia,
HAHA, we ditched you today. Sorry.
But that’s how life is, for you. LOL.
So much for the ‘not-our-fault note.
So Trevor dropped by just this morning.
He told us for you to go immediately to
the library. I think it’s very urgent. He
was very rude in delivering this message.
He wanted to knock down the door
Just to wake you up. Oh well, see
You at school.

P.S. don’t be late.

xoxo,
M and P.

Why in the world would Trevor want to meet with me? Sure, there was something between us, for once I thought, maybe he liked me, too. But we weren’t in any commitment. And that means I could go ditch Trevor in place for another guy. But I won’t. I didn’t want to break away. For once, I loved what we are now, just not much.

I felt a shudder running down my spine.

“No..”

No, this couldn’t be happening. No way, never. He won’t, I know he won’t, and I won’t. for God’s sake, no. he couldn’t do this to me. Trevor, no. please.

The thoughts brainwashed me. I didn’t want to leave the house. I wanted to ignore what’s going to happen. But I needed to.

“No, Trevor won’t leave me.”

I wished. Maybe he was bored with me. A freakish looking immature kid. Hopeless. I was beginning to accept the fact. Who the hell would want me? No one. utterly sure.

I gasped. I needed air. I was holding my breath too long. Maybe this isn’t what it’s supposed to be. Perfect us, wrong time, wrong place, wrong me. I was technically not meant for him, not meant for us.

Tears wanted to roll. But they don’t find a need for it. My heart commanded my tears not to fall for the pain to kill me? As soon as it gets worse, it will heal.

I stared willingly to nature. Maybe I needed someone to lean on and for inspiration. Apparently, I lost him. My someone to lean on and my inspiration. My hazel-eyed angel, my bestfriend. . . My Trevor.

I was unconditionally and irrevocably inlove with him. More that my whole life. I guess I’m on my melodramatic chapter of life. sorrow, pain. Heartbreak and hatred. Breakdown. And now I knew, happiness got back at me. Nothing was free. One laughter, one stab. Go, take away everything of me. Cause simply, that would mean take away what Trevor owns of me. Everything.

I feel so ridiculous. I didn’t want to go to school to avoid this phenomenon. But was this the real reason? Or just another drama? My over-analization. I didn’t want to see my face in agony. In pain. I didn’t want to touch my face, I didn’t want to feel droplets coming from my eyes. He was the reason for my waterproof mascara.

I entered the bathroom. And the scent of shampoos and soaps glistened me. Funny, it was never that I saw our bathroom to be luxurious. Hotel-ish and spa-ish get up. I just needed some rest. I had to unwind. Relax. I didn’t care if I get tardy to school, or absent. Just some way to relax and to be alone was a million-dollar day.

After that rinsing, I got up. Late for school about 30 minutes. 30 more minutes and I’m off to biology.

I got up. Dressed with my sweatshirt and jeans. I was ready to meet Trevor. Ready for whatever he will say. And ready for my controlled tears and anger. Ready for my alibi’s.

I walked. Slowly. I still had 20 minutes left. Counting my steps as I go to the library. Hoping.

As soon as I reached the front door of the library, I prepared. Chin up. Smile. Walk graceful.

I opened the door. There he was, staring at nature too. He doesn’t seem to pay attention when he heard me walk in. still looking outside. And I remembered that position when I also needed inspiration. And motivation. No more escaping this.

He turned around. I glanced. I sat beside him, he just stared.

“Hi. What were you going to say?”

“Cass, I have to be honest with you.” He said. With a shake in his tone.

shut up, and let me go.

2008-12-08T01:56:00.000-08:00

evil plan: let go of him. ignore him. kill him XD great. that doesn't sound evil.

the truth hurts, so we lie.
i'll let go of him, completely. i won't im him on ym. comment him on friendster, respond to his gm's. i have to make him in my life a total blank. my dark abyss. i have to erase all my memory that corresponds to him. all things that remind me of him. i've starhim. far away. i don't want to remember that song ever. though very weird, when i used to move on, too. that song kills me. the pain it causes are straight from the heart. do i have any supernatural powers regards this?ted deleting, actually. i erased all the songs of my cellphone and iPod, that makes me remind him. far away. it was funny, that song kills me. like it was stabbing me. the pain it creates are direct to the heart. supernatural powers? :))

that was sweet, i can still manage a laugh. and i can still breathe. bright side popping, i can live without him.

and i see myself in the place of jacob black. very pushing. though i know he likes an edward cullen like creature, i still push myself to him. and i pity myself. cause i couldn't do self control. i wanted to caress him with my arms. i always wanted to be with him. i always wanted to have a sight of him. he's become my obsession. i don't know how to stop.

was there any way i could do to forget him? i always wanted to do that, but all along, was i seeking for a dead star? just like jacob's position, why can't i just like any other person? any other man. i was asking for myself to imprint to a person i have never known. did that person die already? it left me no option.

and in the end, is still thirst for him. like edward cullen thirsting for blood. and the volturi wanting alice. he's more than my obsession, he's become my addiction. my ecstasy. and i knew it would be easier for me to move on if i . . . find another person. that perfectly fits. for me to imprint on someone else. better. but what if, today wasn't just the right time? maybe we could still be together, just not this time.

good thing, i loved him. yea, maybe i could wait. when it comes to him, i'm all in. sell in my patience. because all i knew was that i loved him. nothing less.

and here i am, still hangin' on. trying to catch every glimpse of you. though it hurts, i'm still going to continue. 'cause nothing makes me more happier than seeing you.

i still love you, and love the person you are loving, cause she sure is making you happy. the cozy life of an hazel-eyed angel. my hazel-eyed angel. i want him to be happy, even if it means not being with me.

everyone deserves a happy ending.

2008-12-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

“damn regret, I’ll try to forget.”

After a very long fast forward of my life, here I go again, expressing all the drama.

That was long since I’ve forgotten about writing my next episode. I have been moving on over Trevor, moving backwards, and eventually coming back to the old destination. I still see him every day. Still staring, he was just one seat away from me. Great. That would help. And in my nights, he still has it. Every single day was interconnected with him. He had me, and I never knew, he has me. Still. Yet.

“Stop now, Cassiopeia!” I whispered to myself. Yet, in my brain, it was so loud. Knock out. “He isn’t going to love you back..” sure, I nearly sprinted on the word love. Was that the right term? Or maybe, ‘he isn’t going to fell the same way.’ All these days, I still couldn’t distinguish the right term. And I needed the answer. Badly. How was I to be sure? I have never ever loved anyone.

Never.

I was able to distinguish Peyton. My longest crush ever. Very long, ‘cause I had the feeling since I was in 3^rd grade, until my 6^th grade. It was easy to classify----crush. Good, only a few people knew it. Maybe all those years, crushes, sweethearts and love weren’t a big deal. Yet.

Friendship. Gossips. Change. All going bizarre. Freshmen life? so does this mean for the next three years, it will get harder? Worse? More painful? Well, at least I still have some supplements of laughter, and my happiness. But what if it runs out? I only needed a few things. Few big deals. Some real friends. And Trevor.

Friends, to stand by me. To be real to me. To accept me for who I am. Are they running out? I can’t seem to find that person. ‘cause it seems like I’ve been looking for a no one. Or merely dead. The modern creatures are wanting friends mostly perfect, or the word itself. Perfect. And as much as I want to brag, I’m not that kind of person. I couldn’t let myself fit to that life. Perfection. I strive to be one, but I’m not that one. I’m not. And I won’t. I don’t dream about that, either. I’m contented, happy and enjoying it. Regardless, I still haven’t found them, because nowadays, Cassiopeia’s torn between two parties. Crash, crash, crash.

And Trevor, my hazel-eyed angel. My solemn prince. And in my dreams, he felt the same way back. Dreams, an infatuation on the reality of life. my mouth could tell all the daddle-doo of me, having to move on from him, but I’m not. I still loved him. He still had me. But on the optimistic side of me, I have, accepted. He won’t like me back. It was just my fantasy, too, to be happy. And how could he be happy when he’s simply dumped with me? I wasn’t his princess. I was the witch. But maybe, a not dangerous one. I’ll just be in the action when they eventually break up. But there was no possibility for a prince to like a witch. Didn’t he know that witches loved more like princesses? They won’t do revenge if it wasn’t for him. Dumb. That’s my evil plan. My evil scheme with a very low agenda, wait,,,

Sometimes, I came to think about things, abnormally. My regrets. Shouldn’t I be choosing the one who loved me? Nate? A guy who felt the same way if I did like him. I wasn’t going to have a hard time making him fall for me, cause somehow he did. And he was mine. My property.

I chuckled by the thought. That was funny, I shouldn’t be thinking about that. My roommate heard me, Margaret.

“What now Cass?”

“Nothing.” With a smug on my face, I answered.

“Yeah, right. Whatever.”

Dead silence.

“Oh, I’ll be at Duncan’s tonight. You’ll have to be alone. In the dark.” Margaret started another conversation. Her voice was spooky. And somehow, true. But I was brave with that thought. I never believed ghosts.

“Oooooh, spooky.”With my mocking tone. “Cut it out Marge. I’ll be playing hotel 626 later. I’ve heard comments, good ones. I have to check that out.” I answered. Opening my desktop computer.

“Yeah, someone told me it was scary. Well, I don’t care. Just go if you want. Don’t lock yourself in here. Just invite someone. Uhm, will your literature teacher’s, Mr Webber, is that his name? favorite student be right for a company tonight?”

“Er, no. you didn’t set me up, didn’t you? Well, whoever that is, no.”

“No, I didn’t. I knew him by face, but not really his name. someone told me he was the favorite. I saw him at the cafeteria, he was staring real hard at you.”

I hope that’s Trevor. I half-smiled. ”Don’t trick me Marge, I don’t catch an audience.”

The computer was ready. I signed in my myspace account. I saw Trevor’s ID. He added me. When I saw his picture, I stared in amazement. ‘wow, this guy must be a God.’ I whispered. Good thing Marge didn’t hear. But Margaret saw his account.

“That guy! He was the one staring at you. I swear to God Cass. That’s him!”

I scanned my memory, yup, he was the favorite student of our literature teacher, Mr. Webber, he did stare at me when I was at the library. But what it that wasn’t that time when Marge saw me? I smiled. It was easy to see. Marge grinned.

“uhmm, sure sure.” Looking away. Still had the biggest smile.

“He likes you, doesn’t he?”

“no idea. Don’t care. Don’t mind.” But deep inside, I wished I could answer ‘yes’ her criticism made my day. I hope he did, but that would only happen in my dreams. I wish she was right.

shut up.

2008-12-04T03:19:00.000-08:00

"...and i don't care what they say,
i'm inlove with you,"
leona lewis

and i don't care if you're mad, or something. cause simply, i don't own your feelings. not my property anymore.

G: and i promise myself i won't let you go. you have no choice. you're stuck with me.
B: sure.
G: ok lang sayo?
B: oo, un naman gusto ko e.

the conversation went through those lines. the boy simply is stuck with the girl? and if i were on the shoes of the boy, i would've spit out. that won't be much of a freedom. and if i were on the shoes of the girl, i would've been the happiest person living.

having a man, so delicate and perfect. and perhaps kind? accepting a lady of such beauty, not even half of what he deserves.

and what if i really was? no way. the boy wouldn't even do that. VERY VERY VERY VERY kind of him.

and so to this person who is mad at me, i won't say sorry. wala naman ako ginawa e. false accusation, wrong. and so if you prefer to leave me, and continuously ignore me, that's fine. as long as you're happy, i'll stay in that side.

this doesn't mean i won't like you anymore, i will. still. and probably, wait for the time you'd hate me a lot. when the pain goes deep down. and someday, i'll forget about you. sooner or later.

"..and i miss who we were.."
paramore

at least i still have a picture of you. memories are what's left of us.

and i keep this songs ringing on my ears for inspiration. well, at least some songs i could relate to. well that's ok, i hope i could move on, a bit fast. i always did this, and mostly to you. you were my first love. couldn't debate with that. but still, thanks to the company of some true friends. maybe a second not to think about you would be helpful.

"...cause there's beauty in the breakdown,"
boys like girls
"how can i move on, when i'm still inlove with you?"
the script

and i hope, i won't be philophobic with this. the fear of love. tsh, forget about commitment, i don't think of things like that. still, i hope this won't change anything about me. not make me emo. sure, i won't slice my hand off. [harhar, slice.] and somehow, not make me change on my sociological life. not wanting to meet anyone, cause maybe, just maybe, i might fall inlove. and you'll get me traumatized. so i hope not.

you were the first, and will be the last?

so maybe this is high school life. i should've put teenage years, but since i wasn't, it's better to just blame it to my current society in school. high school.

"high school. or was purgatory the right word?"
edward cullen

all in this together.

2008-11-30T19:41:00.000-08:00

intrams 08-09 ^^

at least we have each other. there's no more reason to regret. eveything's been set and done. anyhow, there's still some spark. let's just go reach 'em.

despite the fact that there will be no teacher to help us, i'm still up on my spirit. well sure, i was disappointed with that fact, and i'm open for change. at least, my change. i've learned my lesson. and this year was sort of something to prove it and well, a change for everyone, or more people to internalize it.

it's not about winning. it's the fact that you don't get humiliated to the other batch. they're supposed to be thrilled when meeting or playing or fighting with us. and we couldn't do those things without help. i wasn't sure if they knew it, but certainly i did. and i want it back. i want them back.

craving for psp. can't wait for christmas.
and my birthday's near. can't wait!!

:X

2008-11-26T15:53:00.000-08:00

it was pretty obvious. i was the one you were talking about. i don't feel any disgrace, any bad feeling about that. civil is perfect. sorry if i wasn't being intellectual about your thinking, if i did hurt you, i don't know if i should be sorry. first of all, i didn't know about that. and second, what if you got mad at me for who i am?

let's not make this into a bigger war. civil is perfect as what i've said. if this is the way you want it to be, then let it be.

but i do have a guess on that. was it me messing up with the natural order of things?

but the least i could do, accept. and wait for something to happen. i'm not sure if time could heal this. but if it doesn't, there's no way to mess with fate.

i do understand i'm not invited anymore, that's pretty hyped, but definitely fine. but then and again, i had to internalize. of course, i was stabbed. i was hurt like anybody does. accept. accept. and accept. today's thursday, tomorrow's your celebration. enjoy ;)

so much testing for my hypo. you could have confronted me. but blogging has been an opportunity.

no more way to escape this drama.

no more goodbyes, it's been too late.

so hot with love, it burns our hands.

2008-11-24T02:37:00.000-08:00

dearest squall,,

love you forever <3

yours forever,
rinoa<3

you're more than a fantasy, you're my ecstasy :)

:|

2008-11-19T04:29:00.000-08:00

sigh. thanks trevor for reminding me about the time and date. it was absolutely wrong. so, the time and date, wrong. regardless, posts are to be read. :) though the time isn't compatible with the post, same rules apply, comment is a must. ;)

almost.

2008-11-17T05:09:00.000-08:00

november 18, the date we had field trip. 4 months past when it was said that the Philippines would explode. :)) it could have been the best field trip if i hadn't known some 'things.' though it was over, i just wanted to blog them ;))

it was fun, being with these "2nd batch of friends". it was the time when i almost forgot everything about school, it was time to ... have fun. my 1st batch of friends were the serious-in-studies friends. and the second group was the for-the-sake-of-passing-and-fun people. well sure, i wasn't going to be torn with them, i just wanted to enjoy the comfort of each side. i wasn't picking, i never wanted to be in that situation :| i just wanted to be friends with this group, nothing more. 'sides, i'm in the moment of catching up, after "Nora" ruined our friendship. so, dear friends, i love you both. that's very undebatable and unquestionable.

speaking of Nora, you ruined my day today. thank you very much, it was appreciated, so stop now okay? i'm just being civil to you. i don't want a war, that ain't part of my will. so if you do want, go run crazy around the hallways, shouting and howling. tell them i'm crazy, tell mine your dumb. i'm not really the "say-always-bad-words-when-they-get-shocked" person.
i prefer the "sitting-on-the-corner-planning-for-something-to-get-even" person. and dude, i believe in karma, so you take a damn ****. and Nora, stop backstabbing, please? you've got a really bad character, and seems like you don't even care. stop, before i do anything else. you've got enough bad luck, karma and humiliation in yourself. can't you stay silent for the rest of the school year?! and oh yeah, stop making a group to hate me, or my friends. don't hypnotize other people and say things I REALLY DIDN'T, and i have NO PLANS OF SAYING. and if i have some bad character in your group, i don't care. literally and figuratively. every one knows you're a liar. by the way, i have a dedicated story to you. you know the shepherd and the wolf? when the shepherd cried wolf when there was none and when there was a real one, he got karma? it will apply to you. and life sucks for you. it was too bad you didn't treasure your time with US. you are not our loss, but we are definitely your loss.

i shouldn't let anger brush me away, for this fine day. trevor and i was able to talk, uhmm, more personally, unlike usual days. i couldn't tell he was, comfortable talking with me, because obviously no. we talk more on the cyber world, well, thanks to the internet. so trevor, thanks for making my day, even though you had a new look because of the new haircut, :))

speaking of the cyber world, i received a link from a student from westfield. he sent me a link containing things about hackers, which was inconsiderable that friendster was there. it was completely written that multiply, youtube, facebook, imeem, and myspace will be the new set of websites that will soon be hacked. this hackers are so darn crazy, and obviously bored. they won't stop hacking not unless they are caught are you hack their site. *special mention- so seiji! we need your help. hack these hackers away!* lol. :))

tomorrow's a very fun day. can't wait ;))

tempo di ballare ;]

envious.

2008-11-15T19:07:00.001-08:00

what's wrong when two people falls inlove with each other? nothing, they enjoy the blissful life together. aww, i wish i could have a happy ending, just like her. i hate thinking of people falling in love, next time we should see people, wishing they were us. too far from reality, and fun to think of. so i might fill up this post with quotes, that until now, makes me remember of my shattered heart[this is so emo!]

always remember that if a person loved you once, even after a hundred years there will still be some of that love left. no matter how much that person denies it.

the say past is past. We need to move on, to see the future but how can we move on when our past is the only thing we ever wanted in the future.

what does goodbye really mean? Is it just letting you go? Telling you I can’t love you anymore? I guess. But goodbye simply means, “I love you but I have to sacrifice.”

you don’t have to be perfect to let somebody love you, the way you wanted to be loved. Always remember that being simple is the most perfect way to make someone fall in love with you.

You wanted friendship, I gave it to you. You wanted me to care for you, I did. You made me fall in love with you, I fell for you. You wanted to break my heart, I'm giving it all to you coz I'll always love you.

somewhere in your heart try to find a place for me, somewhere in your heart I won't care where it would be. one little corner may not mean so much to you, but one little corner is all I ask of you.

would you be kind to let yourself be my teddy bear? Someone I could hug, I could kiss, I could cry on. But don’t worry about looking for your own teddy bear ‘cause you already got me.

Everyday I walk towards you, hoping that I’d somehow get to be with u, for at least a moment. but its hard for me to catch up with you if you’re also trying to catch up with someone else.

how I wish to hear you say the words forever, how I dream that we’ll always be together, how I wait for you to say we'll stay for a lifetime, how I love you loving me till the end of time.

since the day you said goodbye, I've been counting the days when hopefully you'll be back in my arms again, but something scares me, ‘cause I might be counting for the rest of my life.

Once in your life you will find someone who loves you truly. Never take her for granted never let him go because when you lose him, you can never find the same kind of a person again.

There are times when I dream you’re holding my hand, whispering sweet words in my ear and that you’re loving me. But while I’m here dreaming, you’re with someone else making my dreams. Her reality.

Go on, hurt me some more till I can feel no more. Once, you left me all alone, I cried and died, I took it all. Now, what would I do, in front of me, you're loving someone new?

I know we're moving on with our own lives right now but whatever it takes, whenever, wherever and whatever will be, no matter what, you'll still be a part of whatever I'll be.

My friend once asked me if I do love u. I answered "yes", they asked me again, "does he love you?" then I sat down, look at the stars and closed my eyes. Wishes do come true right?

a very happy and spontaneous day,

2008-11-15T04:35:00.000-08:00

i never expected my day to be so, spontaneous, and going through the whole day, same. only one difference, not talking to Trevor. :( i miss him. i never knew i would be like this to him. so much missing him. and sometimes i ask, how could i miss him when he's always on my heart? my eyes weren't contented. i miss him, so much. but still, i kept waiting.

as i went online, i talked to three persons; important ones. sir pt, sir p and k. i chatted with sir pt longer, since sir p went to sm. that was my longest conversation with any teacher. since what we are talking is relevant to k, i talked to her as well. and as we go on our conversation, i realized, i missed my sister. my sister last albay, and my sister of the camiguin. nothing almost changed of her, it's just that we had a fight about t. i missed her, frankly. i never knew she was really once part of me.

today is one of the most 'kilig' days. i can't tell much of the details, though i really wanted to. but i wasn't that 'kilig' to mr. a and ms. b. it was the other characters that made me 'kilig' today. so mr. a likes ms.b, and ms. b didn't know. when she knew, she was so happy. -end.- can't tell the details. it was part of a conversation, i can't explain the 'kilig' theme of my over 'kiligness.' if i tell clue, you would guess it from the first. so, it's a secret, and so sorry to tell you, only between 3 people. i want the others to know, but i don't want to look so braggy. i want to spread it, honestly, but i couldn't. and i shouldn't. so 'mr. m' if you're reading this, i'm so glad to know i'm you're number one, and she's only second. i'm very happy to read that part of the conversation, it really made me smile, too long until i go off to bed. today is probably one of my best days, thanks ;]

my need. wanted, music. i'm so eager to download a song and plug it in my iPod. i'm in serious need of songs with cool lyrics. any suggestions? leave a song in the chatbox. ;)

the coming field trip. it so sad to know sir pt won't come with us. :( very sad to know. i hope he changes his mind, i really want to spend some time with him. he is so fun to be with. and also, sir p. so sir p and sir pt, pls. come to the field trip. the trip wouldn't be that fun without your presence. pls come :)

the MTAP. so, it was morning, and i really had a lot of fun. we had so much of laughter. being with f and p[kuya] was so fun. we had lots of acts today; stupid ones. and here's my favorite part.

P: ui wala ako letter a, akala ko kasi di kayo seryoso e. sorry.
P[kuya]: loko ka pala e, kaya nga tayo nag confe.
F:alam ko na, acting na lang tayo..
P:hanapin na lang natin si ms. Kristine.
F:lika, akyat tayo.
(going upstairs. hopeless, ms. kristine wasn't around.)
P[kuya]:pano ba yan?wala si Ms. Kristine.
P:FORGE!!
F:ui ano ba, acting na kayo.
P:yuck! ano itsura namin nun?
P[kuya]: basta papakita ko ung letter, pag hinanap ung sayo sasabihin ko, "bat di ka nagpagawa kay mommy?" sagot ka na lang "akala ko kasi kasama na ko sa letter e."
P:sure ka? haha! ang pangit tignan!
P[kuya]:bahala na.

manong: bawal kayo umalis.
F:meron po kaming letter.
manong:ilan kayo?
F:3 po.
manong: e nasan ung sayo (pointing at me)
P:kasama na po ako kay kay ****.
manong:ah. e nasan pangalan mo?
P: basta po kasama ako..
manong:o sige, sulat mo na pangalan mo.

i never knew it was going to be that easy. we shouldn't have wasted time, and went straight. but yet, i lied. conscientious.

we bought mentos, watermelon [flavor of the year.] chippy, c2 and eaji.

useless, anyway, it was fun with F's dream. so unreal. very funny. hard to believe,yet impossible. it could be true, but impossible.

highlights of my day, hope to have more days as fun as these. :)

tempo di ballare ;]
comment if you want to know the meaning ;]

screw friendster.

2008-11-15T02:17:00.000-08:00

friendster. a commonly used website by Filipinos. November 14, 2008, "friendster is under maintenance, chuba." it was under maintenance until Nov. 15. 5:00 pm, dated nov. 15, i opened my friendster account, and to my surprise, from 660 + friends, i have 15 left. :)) i wasn't frustrated, knowing multiply would save me. though i only have 10 + friends there, it welcomed me to the cyber world. yahoo messenger are just for instant messages, having your account over the internet would be fun. something to take care of from hackers. >:) of course, i was one of those. LOL. kidding. :) so, screw you friendster, i won't be using you as often. you proved me not to use you ever again. add me in my multiply, 'kay? see you soon on my multiply account. [OBVIOUSLY ADVERTISING.] multiply really works. GET OVER FRIENDSTER ;]

http://devilishnymph.multiply.com
add 'kay?. :)

End.

2008-11-12T02:59:00.000-08:00

the act of letting go. the act of never falling in love again. it's all part of growing up, and i should not be shocked of myself right now. i should be expecting this. he was such a heart breaker. i shouldn't be shedding a tear for him, but i just couldn't help it.

today is officially one of my best days. i spent most of my days with my closest teachers, Sir P and Sir P. starting letters of their name. :)) it all went fine. we talked about lots of things, and yeah, i really got teased a lot. :) but it was fine, i knew it was a joke, well at least. :) it was really fun talking to the both of them. they were such 'day-makers.' being with them was the happy side of the day. and being with the other Camiguin. the day turned out to be fun, but the emo part of the day sucks.

the emo part. about the heartbreaking thing, i'm cutting it out. so Trevor, you know how much i love you, right? and you said you like me. that was half. and now i'm questioning it. if you happen to have no choice and told you liked me, that was very very VERY kind of you. you didn't have to tell that in case you wanted to spare my feelings. during the practice, i came to the realization point. he loses interest of me, that was very obvious, and so i had to let him go. i was being to tight. he's not my property now, he's all free. with all due honesty, i think i am no worth of him. a lot of girls liked him, and it was so selfish of me for not at least giving him to them. and now, i'm offering him to the world. he's been locked up on me, i'm not even an inch worth for him, so 'ere you go.

goodbye trevor, hope you get a better life. forget about me, that would be easy ;) my feelings for you hasn't changed. that wouldn't be a doubt. but if you do, it would be perfectly fine. you could stab me, that would be predictable. as long as you're happy, i'm happy. that was a complicated and odd feeling.

goodbye Trevor. i'm not holding onto anything now. thanks for the memories, i got them all packed to look at. memories, pictures. i'm going to miss it. i know it hurts to say goodbye to the person you almost gave your life to. knowing that life won't be the same w/o them. but its better to give up the feeling. rather than to know you're the only one fighting.

youwerethelastgoodthingaboutthispartoftown.
goodbye. :*

the best day ever.

2008-11-11T03:12:00.001-08:00

as of now, this day was the most fun day of my life. though there were some "distractions" it was overall fun. the day started with the dasayawit. i can't say it all went smoothly, since it didn't. with all due honesty. our dance and song were quite simple, and obviously unprepared. so there's no 100 % chance we will win. after that, no break actually, it was the math quiz bee. we were responsible for it, so we had to be there a little earlier. and to our unfortunate luck, the door was closed. and we were all waiting hopelessly in front of it. so we thought of a "useful" and "productive" way to use it. practice. practice. practice. and so many unuseful blah blah blah things happened. until the intermissions came. and yes, trevor was part of the first, he is so perfect. he is so graceful, so perfect and so perfect. i never knew romeo could still exist. and our intermission, i was really wrecked and nervous. how should i react anyway? but i had to do it. why waste all my efforts? dancing has become a hobby. though, not really REALLY expected.

half of the day was over. and sir peter came into the class. my oh my, blushing :"> we made some sort of 'confessions' and i was really attentive. the questions were burnin' hot. that's where the fun started. honestly, i mostly know what we were talking about, that time was just emphasis and additional information for me. it was really fun, and unexpectedly, i opened up with a teacher, first ever in my whole life. he knew my crush. very rarely teacher's know that, i couldn't even tell it to my 'bestfriend' teacher. it was nice opening to a teacher.

things i've found out:
-mr. x >:) prepare for blackmail "trisha"
-seatmate loves seatmate.
-someone is emo.
-dwarf's hot. =)) no comments about this please. :))
-unggoy, capinares and puting keso told mr sweaty palms who ms. xyz likes. him. nice. :))
-ramapethecus loves ms. dark. :O haha.

those are just some. and oh, it was also fun being with sir pj and doing vain stuff. and the picture of the dark that has her mouth open and really looked like she had drugs. :))

overall, it was really fun. a lot of revelations and confessions and blah. run-ons. cool! :))

i really miss my former classmates, esp. loisirc. haha! hope to see you soon.

this day is really really really fun. thanks sir peter. oops, haha :"> lol. since sinabe niyo na ren naman, pangatawan na. :))

i hope this could happen again, and oh, sorry for the small letters on my other posts. i thought it was big enough. :))

dream.

2008-11-05T17:02:00.000-08:00

i guess i was over reacting with trevor. he was just a plain guy, and yet he was the best man of my dream. it was really fast, one day of knowing him, he was running in my mind.

one day, i was in a place where everyone was happy. everyone, because no one was there. i was alone. lying unconsciously on the meadow. with grasses, and yellow daisies. i was staring at the sun, yellow rays touching every inch of my body. until this "trevor" came. no, he did not come, he was there all along. like he was destined for me. i lied still at the grass, though i know he was there. and to my surprise, he lied beside me. my awed face met his gaze, his smiled was the sweetest smile i have seen ever in my whole entire life. i was struck. i was looking at him irrevocably. he mentioned my name, like it was the most precious one, his precious one. i answered in return.

"err, yeah. why are you here?""darling, this is my heaven, being with you."

"completely wrong, this is hell. because i'm here."-i laughed. he just stared no reaction.

"if this was hell, i'll enjoy it anyway. as long as i'm with you, i'll enjoy it.""ok, that's very odd of you. who am i anyway?"

"oh, don't you know? you're my queen. my penguin.""penguin?"

"just a little fact, when penguins marry they stick to one another forever. when their partner dies, they don't find anyone who's compatible with them anymore. as if, the had laid all their life for their partner. every single day of forever."

"so, not bragging, you love me?"

"more than anything in this world."

"oh, that's odd. we met yesterday.""when i met your eyes, felt your touch, catched your breath, i knew i was in love with you."
"err, ok."
"don't you feel the same way for me, honey?"

what should i say? should i say no? but wait, i don't want to hurt his feelings. besides, this was my chance to finally tell him, yes, i do like him. but i'm not sure if i love him. i remembered what paula said, i was obviously inlove with him. but i wasn't that kind of person who beleives reluctantly at what other people say, be it good or bad. but i had to have a reflex action. i had to make a decision. be with him every single day, or bleed my love for him and let him go? this was a chance, my chance, and yet, i was ready to puch that away. i was ready to throw it away, finally giving up.

it made us silent for a moment. nobody dared talk, nobody talked. i didn't know what to say. we stared at the blankless sky. no clouds at all, and for an instance, i knew it was going to rain. finally, i broke the silence. i started with a gasp.

"yes," he was still for a moment, looked at my direction. everything seemed motionless. "yes, i love you, too." i was proud of myself, the words seemed so real, not even sarcastic for a first timer. i was happy i finally spoke up, but i guess, he was upset. the expression of his face hasn't change, though he was continuously looking at me. not even blinking. and with this, i asked myself,-was there something wrong i have said?--but since i have done a lot of shame on myself already, i just closed my eyes. waited for something to happen.

it was silent. the only thing i could hear was the wind, the very cold wind. i stood up, and i noticed, trevor, was still looking at me. wasn't he being so sarcastic? he didn't even speak! was he damn mute? but instead of telling that to him, i stood up. i knew that was rude, i'm pretty optimistic to things, but that doesn't hide a thing of me.

"i have to go. i'm sorry to disturb you."

"britt, i love you more than anything."- i blinked. do i have to say something again? do i have to tell it again?"more than myself." he was walking towards me now. and i whispered, "i love you more." i heard him chuckle. and i felt my lips smiling. i was happy, and proud again, for being confident.

"thanks. mind staying with me for a while?"

"sure. you have own it now."

"and so am i, you own me now."
"why did you plan telling this to me then?"
"i don't know. i felt the rush to tell you. that Mike tears my head off."
"why?"
"for sod's sake Britt, that guy's inlove with you. and also Nate."
"Nate's just my friend. he's the type of guy i could be open to, and Mike? i am so disgusted with him. he's such a bully and a----"i trailed of. i didn't know how to continue my sentence either. he smiled. i felt it. deep inside my heart.

we ran together, holding each other's hand. we lied on the thin grass, playing stupid things. listened to music. ran to the drizzles of the rain. watched the rainbow as the rain stopped. it all perfectly went right, as if we were holding our own fate. and this was the last thing i saw in my dream before i woke up. he was around my back, down to my shoulder. we were watching the sunset. it seemed everything was perfect. he was right there beside me, and i have no worries at all. he was my strength and my weakness. my night and day, my tears and laughter. he was the perfect guy, and i know i'm no worth for him. but i messed up my whole life, his whole life. he would probably have a more meaningful life out there, some people worth for him. and i knew it wasn't me. i gasped.

then i woke up. i was glad my insecurity was over. yet sad because i knew it won;t even happen. it was just a dream, it will always be a dream.

trevor

2008-10-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

"what?! Trevor? oh my gosh, you a-a-a-li-ii-ke him?" Paula answered as i voluntarily opened a question and answer portion of the night. Margareth was out. she had an over night party with some of her former friends. not being boastful though, we are the "new" friends now.

"err, no. I'm just curious. that's all."

"i don't think that's the reason, i'll soon figure that out."

"there's nothing to be afraid of Paula, if there's anyone i'd had to hide a secret from, that wouldn't be you. i swear."

"aww, i'm touched. really."
"ok, so stop that. you know Trevor, right?"
"yes yes, Trevor Williams. he's the science wizard right?"
"er, really? lately he told me he loved literature. that's weird."
"i see nothing weird, except for your feelings."
"huh? what do you mean?"
"say it, Ms. Brittany Gigadnet, i'm absolutely sure you feel something for that guy."
"no, no-ooo!"
"defensive."
"er, no way. i don't know him. it's just plain curiosity, really. i have no interest of him at all."
"yeah right, well i better start packing my things for tomorrow. catch up later, i have to attend a symposium tonight."
"sure. just buy me breakfast tomorrow."
"are you alright?! buy your own! lazy-headed!"
"no, that's for your consequence in leaving me here. HA HA!"
"yeah, right. lemme think about it."
"just do it!"
"ok ok, don't be pretty demanding. I'll try."
"whatever Paula, just close the lights when your off."
"well, i'll close it now. ready?"
"don't treat me as a baby Paula, just close it."

the lights went off in a second. and i was thinking of Trevor. i knew i wasn't inlove with him. i was sure about that. but why can't i put him away from my mind? like he was stuck there even before, can't i have a time not thinking about him? he was running in my mind, i couldn't stop thinking about him, like i was going to ask him to marry me.

i had to sleep. i knew i was going to have a head ache tomorrow. my intuitions tell me I'm going to be in a trouble tomorrow, something fun, exciting and full of suspense. and sometimes, my intuitions are right. i knew this time, it won't fail me. no intuitions with Trevor, just some hopeless, drastic moments.

i can't put Trevor away from my mind. why did ever my curiosity lead me here? since when did it ever come. i was never in this situation before. and yes, sometimes it got into my mind, was i inlove with him? how could i be so sure when i don't believe at love at all. love at first sight never happens. what a hilarious person he/she would be. brainless. very drastic.

and a lot of words cringed in my head, which lead to one guy, who i don't know my status with. my feelings with.how could i ever relate my whole world to his? it was like, i was never going to have a happy ending. my own ending.

and maybe, my mind worked the way it was when i'm still awake, and when i slept. i dreamt about him. a whole fantasy about him. here's how it goes...

"the guy"

2008-10-22T17:44:00.000-07:00

i rushed through the reading area, grabbing a large book by Stephenie Meyer, The Host. I have read it though, but i had to ran away from that guy who i was now scared of. i had to grab a book and ran away from that guy.

was he planning to get my attention? playing with my shuddered life? or just another coincident, which i am currently being ridiculous from. he did get my attention now, could he simply stop it?

he was running in my head now. he caught my attention, was he happy now? i wasn't. but I'm ready to be a martyr for him. just as i was expecting, he was back again. he was on another table reading a nonsense book: how do you know if you're really inlove. did he intently do that? i was now intrigued by him. seconds passed and i was successful of putting him out of my head, seconds. he wasn't reading the book. he was looking for me, i was oddly sure. he was flipping the page just to prove the librarian that he was reading. i tried to look at him. peeking with my velvet hair across my face. i don't know why but i was actually doing it. as i stroke by to peek at him, his blue eyes met mine. he knew i was peeking through my hair. could he possibly read my thoughts, or just another coincidence? i was pretty sure with the second option.

i was saved,,, by the bell. it rang 3 strikes meaning 5 more minutes left. i rushed to return the book back to its place and ran towards the door. i had to escape that guy. i went to literature class, a few yards away. as soon as i got out the library, i was back to the way i walk. walking normal. I'd escaped that guy. the bell rang again and i was only halfway there. i ran. as hard as i could. i was late, 2 minutes, though Mr. Webber wasn't there yet. this is literature class, and i was ready to kick my classmates' butts. i knew i was going well with this subject.

when the door opened, my eyes opened in shock. Mr. Webber was with 'the guy.' i guess he was his favorite student or so. i mumbled to myself, 'this was a coincidence. really.' so, this guy has to sit now, but wait, it was the chair beside me that was vacant. i had, and he had, no choice either.

to ignore this guy sitting beside me, i had to pay attention to the teacher. it was my whole plan, ignore him, listen to the teacher. when Mr. Webber finally spoke up, he gladly announced we had

"we have no literature class for today. instead, we'll spend the whole 2 hours having an acquaintance with your classmates.."

the whole class cheers, but i was only half smiled. i don't like the idea of having no literature class though i liked it also in a way that nothing would be stuck up in my head for the day.

Mr. Webber started to talk again.

"only if you would remain silent.."-----all the literature classmates started shhhh-ing.----"ok, that works. so why don't you start to introduce yourself with your seatmates."

it took me seconds before i internalized what he had said. 'with your seatmates.' oh no, i can't talk with the guy that ripples my mind. no no no. finally i closed my eyes. i wasn't going to sleep but i had to remain silent. if i talk, that would be very disturbing. after many useless seconds, 'the guy' started to talk.

"hi Britt,"--OK, how did he know my name?! i took the courage to look at his face and answer back.
"ah--"
"oh, I'm Trevor. sorry for introducing my name a little late."--Trevor. the name sounds really dazzling. now i answered,
"hi Trevor.. a-ay-I'm Brittany,"
"i know, so, you came from Chicago right? aren't the bulls great?!"
"er, yeah. how'd you know about my hometown?"
he didn't answer. shifting eye on Shane.
"nothing, really. so, what's your favorite subject?"
he surely did change the topic quick.
"uhmm, literature is great. i love math though. you?"
"ew, you like math?! that sucks. i love literature for a reason."
"what exact reason?"
"er, personal reasons. you'll know when the time comes.."
"er, sure."
silenced covered the boundary between us. until i heard some voices behind my back.
"look at that Trevor! stealing my Brittany!"
i turned over to look and saw Nate.
"oh, hey Nate." with no enthusiasm at all.
"hi Britt! so what's up?"
"I'm fi--" Trevor suddenly caught my arm.
"Britt, whatever you do, don't talk with Nate."
"er, why?"
"just don't. trust me with this."
"er sure, but i won't promise."
he sighed. "just trust me please."
why should i follow him? i mean we just met now and for god's sake, he was the guy i was scared of. i stared at Nate before i answered.
"sure. i guess."

that was the end of my class. i went back to the dorm took a bath. i sighed while taking a bath. why was Trevor running through my mind all the time? was he a drug i got addicted to? why can't i even dare to put him out of my mind? i was silent for a moment. then i thought, was i inlove with Trevor? but suddenly

my mind opposed, "no hypocrite! you can't be inlove! Trevor is way better for you! you don't deserve him."
but my heart whispers, "dear, loving someone comes in a big surprise. it's the only time when you probably turn your whole back to the earth to be with him. though it sometimes hurt, it's probably worth it.."
"no, silly! you've never been inlove. which clearly states, you're not inlove."
"it's probably the time. you wouldn't be thinking about him if you weren't. you're addicted to him.."

i cried in the bathroom "stop!" i think it was sort of loud, then i heard a knock on the door,
"hey Britt, are you ok?" it took me a time to recognize until i realized whose was it. it was Paula.
"er sure, i couldn't close the water sink. though it's ok now. maybe i only miss my mom.."
"oh, Britt. that's ok. get out there and we'll probably talk about it, ok?"
"sure, sure. I'll be there in a minute."

i went out the bathroom well-dressed. i took a deep breath and talked to Paula.
"hey Paula."
"oh, hi. so what are you planning to tell me? oh please, not Mike."
"no, not Mike. i just have a few questions about Trevor.."

canteen survival

2008-10-22T03:26:00.000-07:00

Canteen survival.

as melissa ate with us, there came a large group of guys. these were 'the bullies.' i didn't care about them. as long as he's or they're not messing up with me. i'm ok with them, partially. it was first day, hell! i don't even know them yet. so yes, these guys, were uhmm, let's put it this way, a large group of guys with uhmm, extraordinary----beauty. oh, that took me a little time before i was able to tell or spell the right word. i wasn't ready for that word. to tell a guy how perfect he was and how thankful i am to meet him. but honestly, i have never ever seen a guy that suits me. i was unbearable, nobody would ever feel perfectly comfortable with me. nobody ever deserved to be loved by me, i am a wretch and not beautiful. well, my elementary years, there were suitors, and people who liked me, but they don't deserve me. as hell don't deserve me either.
as these group of guys walked past out our table, these guy, Tyler crossed the room, and to my surprise, he was Maragareth's boyfriend! shocked as i stared. really, i was shocked. i never knew Margareth would be in a commitment this early. Tyler passed by me, like he never saw anything. until, Mike, Tyler's bestfriend whispered into my ear.

"brittany! i'll soon mesmerize you.." was that something i should be scared of? it was something i never ever wanted to happen, i never wished for anyway. how come blodd rushed through me that way! i was so insufficient of this. how could this ever happen to me! "darn brain!" i mumbled to myself.
"hey, are you alright? you seem dazzled.." Paula whispered to me.
"err, yeah sure. i did? wow, that was pretty slow.."
"fast as you may think. you look very weird!"
"sorry.. i never meant to do that.."
"yeah, nobody means to look dazzled do they? silly, you! i think i have a bad feeling about that though."
"about what?"
"that's Mike. also a freshmen. he's very popular since a while a go while he was dealing with the upper class man. he's a bully! too obvious at the look of his face. teeth unaligned, tattoo on the shoulder. more of a remorse student. notorious."
"how'd you even know it was about that? it was absolutely not!"
"you're not much of a liar britt. ahaha, i never knew i was better in that part with you. it was pretty obvious."
"oh, yeah, sure. you got that part. i was thinking of him. you heard what he whispered to me?"
"no, did he tell you something? very secretive isn't he?"
"yeah, he's a criminal."
paula turned her back at me when Mario approached her. He was part of the Orchestra at East High. he told some few announcements and told Paula to come with him. Paula had no choice.
"hey britt, why won't you just tell me all about it later at the dorm. i'll share more o him though."
"err, sure. anytime, he's not my attention though. "
"yeah, right. as if i;ll believe you."
"c'mon! just go! they're waiting for you."
"oh, right. bye britt."
"bye!"

so, silence. last thing i noticed i was the only one left on the table, but not at the canteen. Margareth joined in Tyler. Melissa went to her ballet lessons. i was alone. nobody went in front of me. alone. until, i met gaze with this guy i don't know the name of. he stared at me and when i noticed, he quickly shook his head to his side. i taught that was just a coincidence. that didn't bother me.
i ate my lunch quickly though. i was alone, and i was not used to that kind of environment. i ate my burger and fries and went to the disposing area. cleaned everything back, placed my tray went to the comfort room, checked my watch.
"darn! 30 more minutes before i go to literature class." i mumbled. i now know where i could go, the library. i was oozy over books, crazy over them. i'd never have much fun than reading. a bummer, killjoy. sounds nothing to me.
i headed straight to the library. i was mouth-opened. the library was so darn big! so much for my old-school library! that was no worth for these. glass made windows covered the place, shelves made from fine sculpted images of some well known artists:Shakespeare... etc. it was so perfect! the perfect resemblance of the environment, sunlight touching the books and the most likely 1.5 million books, or was it more? i could not imagine a place like this was standing! this was more than a fantasy. OK, maybe i was being over now. but hey! i love this place.

i stood right in front of he shelves of my favorite authors, Mitch Albom, Stephenie Meyer, J.K. Rowling, Jane Austen, Mary Sheryll, Jim Benett and more. this was my favorite shelf! i was carefully getting a book when this guy, the one i had an eye contact with was on my row, again. was he following me? or maybe it was just another coincident? i grabbed a book and ran towards the reading area. i wanted to avoid him, and this time he really caught my attention.

announcement(s)

2008-10-18T02:43:00.000-07:00

well, yeah. almost 3rd post of the day. blogging has been very useful to me, and it's somehow a pal. :) i've edited many parts of the "layout" through notepad which kept me busy for the whole day. well, at least i had something to do. so, after a few observations and trials of layout [this is the 3rd most-likely-to-be-crossover layout. the computer handout surely was a great help. ;) so, here are a few things i've observed from my layout.

1. you cannot post a comment. most likely, i was unfortunately sad about this. well, let's make plan B. as of now. i couldn' t think of any. if i tell you to jump in my other blog, which i formally declare 'not-that-much-used' blog, just to leave a comment, well, that would be a long process. but that can do. you have the choice dear reader. OR, maybe you could tell me about it on my messenger. pat_santos18. haha, OR, if you just want to remain the 'silent one' maybe, just don't tell me about it. i won't be mad, will i ever know? ahaha! well, i'm open. anyway you want to comment, i'll accept as a suggestion/compliment.

2. my blog is emo. well, that doesn't describe anything. neither me, nor my blog. some parts of it may be an exception but not all. no more buts', no one is emo. except for you. ha ha =))

3. the links on the side. if you want to be a part of it, send me a message. pat_santos18@yahoo.com. i'm sort of, "advertising" but still, if you want to, the gates for the links are so open.

4. copyright. this blog is so copyrighted (c) no one is allowede to copy even a letter of it. God didn't make two things exactly alike. back off, will you?

5. the recent stories. i'm making a story, in a positive way. the 'brittany, melissa, paula, margareth' thing, it's based on a true story. well, it has not reached the climax yet. but it is, the characters are so obvious. margareth, L. Paula, H. Melissa, A. so, don't be too spoily[err, what a word.] for the next, it will soon be in the present form. i'm still on the reminiscing part,

so yeah, i've said some of it. :) suggestions and comments are so much appreciated.

*hugs*

Paula, Margareth, Brittany

2008-10-18T02:12:00.000-07:00

so, here i go again. nothing much happened since the day i saw Linda. in case you forget, this is me. Brittany. and i'm off to high school. on the way, Margareth was with me. she was like a "best friend" already. i've told her about my life and so did she. she shared secrets with her. while they were walking along the hallway, or should i say catwalk, boys were staring at Margareth. and all this time, i knew she was really beautiful. i haven't bother asking her yet, this was the topis we haven't talked about. as we walked, we met different people. the popular, the tall ones, the varsirty, the cheerleaders, the nerds, the hated, the proffesors, etc. we came to pass by this girl, Paula. she was the varsity. volleyball, and while we spotted her, she was talking to their instructer, Ms. Carrie. she was resigning to be the varsity, she was trying to do something more, a music insturment player. and after Ms. Carrie told her she was ready to leave, she immidiately ran to the bandroom. and what a coincidence, she happened to bump me. and after that, we became best buds. the story happened too fast i haven't noticed it either. and another coincidence, we were classmates. was that really coincidence or destiny? i introduced her to margareth and they also became best buds. she joined us in our room since she had no where to go. and it was english class, all three sat beside each other, when suddenly, this "nerd" girl sat in front of us. her glasses shined as the ray of light touched it. we laughed at her, she was such a laughing stock. a lame looser. latter we realized, she was part of the graduation honors at her former school. we stared in astonishment as she approached us. that was beyond our expectations. well, she did.

"uhh, hi!" she said.
"err, hello. I'm Brittany. this is Margareth on my left and Paula on my right."
"oh, glad to know that. I'm Samantha. you can call me Sam."
"geez, hi Sam." Maragreth exclaimed.Paula just stared. she probably had some few realizations with this 'Sam' or she was really just lefty speechless.and silence covered up in our place. she stayed with us. still in front. still jutting down notes, we just listened blankly. or perhaps, me only. groan.

the bell rang. lunch time. we were all sitting in one table: Paula, Margareth and I. suddenly, a girl approached us. she was so melodic and soft as she spoke.

"hi, i'm Melissa. would you mind if i sit with you?"
we stared at each other before Margareth answered.
"sure. with one condition." Margareth is just so good with this. thinking fast but on track.
"err, sure. what is it?"
"i guess you have to answer 3 questions. one from each of us."
"i guess that'll do."
'ok, i'll go first."---i volunteered. "of all the people her, why us?"
"oh, you 3 stand out in the canteen. look around you, they're all loners. except for that group. but i'll never fit with them. they are so loud and scandalous. i don't want to be with them though they asked me. but you 3 seemed to be different. besides, you all look friendly. and funny."
we all laughed. i guess i got the correct answer form my intriguing question, of was it?
"i guess that leaves my question behind." Margareth announced.
"yeah, me too. that was supposed to be my question to Britt."
"ha ha! i sure do read minds. kidding, Paula!"

be my

2008-10-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

be my edward cullen. ♥

be my prince charming.♥

be my knight in a shining armor.♥

be my rainbow.♥

be my drug.♥

be my obsession.♥

it's a love story, baby just say yes.

will you still love me in the morning?-revised

2008-10-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

it was a windy day at my hometown, the place where i grew, Chicago. my alarm clock alarmed, and made my head dizzy for that whole morning. as usual, i threw it away. that was the 5th alarm clock i broke. suddenly, i heard a voice, louder than the alarm. "Brittany!" my mom shouted from the downstairs. maybe i kept her waiting long. oops, today is Sunday, tomorrow will be my first day at high school. we have to travel today to reach California, which is where my new school is located, East High University. my mom rented an apartment for us, too bad my dad can't join us, he was the chairman of Intel Corporation. therefore, he can't come with us. but he did promise something, he'll call us everyday and come to California every weekend. i had to pack my things and get ready for today's very long trip. piles of things are lined up in front of me. me and my mom had to visit each house of my relatives to say goodbye. we won't be back for a year or so.

i got on the truck after i took a bath and a very fast breakfast. we were in a hurry. i had to make sure i won't get into trouble or something. it was a very long driving 'til we reached our first set of relatives. it was located somewhere in Indiana, a town in there. it was really good that a lot of the members of the family tree sets there. which clearly means, less hours of nonsense chatting. on this first house lived my closest cousin, Linda. i feel absolutely comfortable with her. our age are almost the same and we really have a compatible favorites and hobbies. they were batchmates and bestfriends since they were in preschool. and this was the first time they'll be separating. I was more that excited when we got in front of the house. i was excited to go off the bus and hug Linda so tight. i haven't seen her much this winter. we got off the truck and the caretaker, Sally opened the humongous gates for us. i was excited, so as i went in, i gave my greetings.

"hi, Sally! where are they?"
mom just stared at me. she didn't believe i was actually being sociable with others.
"uhh, ma'am they're in the backyard. picking some strawberries. Ms. Linda is still in her bed, with her brother Sir Nathan. i think your other cousin Sir Matthew is also there."
"oh, matthew's here? since when? i haven't quite seen him in a long time, either. you think they're still sleeping?"
"since last week, his parents got off to Australia, so he planned to visit here. does the sound coming from their room answer your question Ma'am?"
"haha, hell yeah! they're playing the rock songs of fall out boy a bit a while ago. before i asked, well that was stupid for morning. oh, c'mon, don't be silly. i'd love you to call me Brittany instead."
"thanks, Ma'am."
"so, i better get going now. i don't want to miss a minute with Linda and Matthew."

before i noticed, my mom went already to the backyard with uncle Henry. she was so excited to see them. i ran going to the room of Linda, excited to talk to her and hug her as tight as possible.

i rushed through the stairs and nearly slept. i'm always out of balance when excitement trembles in her veins. it was in the 3rd story of the house. my heart was thumping with exhaustion. as the sweat rolled over my face i managed to put a smile and greeted loudly. it may looked look like i shouted, it was heard all over the place.

"LINDA!" i shouted.-- "MATTHEW!" another loud grumble.
'hey, uhmm, can you be like a little softer, you can be heard all over the place."
"oh, i'm sorry Linda. i was just so excited to see you. i haven't seen you for quite while, how's it going?"
"are you like asking about my love life?"
"uhh, well, yeah, sort of. but if you don't want to tell, it'll be alright."
"are you kidding? you're acting like you're not my bestfriend! haha, so hop in here. i'll tell you about him."
"well, that's sounds great!"
i hopped in and matthew was out of the scene. i think he went to the bathroom or eat. i didn't care to be honest. he was not that important. '
"so there's this guy, he's name is Ted. he's my boyfriend. but he's not approved."
"approved? what do you mean?"
"duh?! wake up0 brittany! my parent's doesn't know."
"oh, no plans of telling?"
"nahh! it will be over you know..."
"do you think you can keep it any longer? a relationship that's hidden is really hard to cope with you know. besides, there's no sense at all.."
"you're right, but i still won't. only time can heal the pain... they'll now someday."
"can you not tell it like now?"
"no way."
and silence. it felt like 3 minutes before i could break the silence. but i still couldn't figure out what to tell. and so, i did. the first thing that came into my mind, i blurted out.
"so, i'm going to California today. it will be long enough before i could see you again. i think."
"yeah britt. i'll miss you. i'll be losing half of myself now.."
"ohh, that is so swee-eeeee-t!"
"knock it off girl!"
"haha, but geez, thanks Linda. i just wish you and ted could make it good and long."
"thanks, how about let's go downstairs and swim?"
"nah, let's just go eat. if you don't mind..."
"sure not, i don't even have a swimsuit."

we went downstairs. i watch her ate since i was done eating a while ago. we were babbling and talking, until my mom called me. groan, i had to go to the oldies now...

uncle Marco, granny Martha and grandpa Luke. they were all uhmm, old. Auntie Beth, Uncle Ben, Auntie Emily, Auntie Sarah and Uncle Bruce went out to buy some groceries, have a tour around Indiana. they were the middle-aged persons. glad they were out. means, less talk, more rest. i am pretty lazy, too lazy to talk.

hours past and it was time to leave. it was about noon then. we have to go to the second house, which has destiny brought me, they weren't around. that sounds the best news i have heard for the day. this second family was the snobbish like. i wasn't close with them.

we had an early trip going to California. i was soundly sleeping at the back of the car when we almost hit an old woman crossing the street. good thing my mom pressed the break before we hit an inch of the pedestrian lane.

"whew! that was a relief.."
"chill mom, don't be in a rush! God! what do you think will happen if we hit that woman?!"
"i guess you won't have to study your college. so you just sit back there."
"fiiiiiiiiiine!"

after a very long uncool trip due to no music at all, we reached the place. i stayed at St. Agustin dormitory. my mom to the California suite. it was a requirement for the school to at least stay there... mom checked on me every morning before i wake up and every weekend before i slept. i feel like a baby, and i think my room mate, Margareth laughs at me, or at least thinks i'm sort of "babyish." but i didn't care. it was my mom. she'll get used to it. besides, i'm still a freshmen. high school's big day is tomorrow! i'm ready for the bang!

thoughts.

2008-10-04T05:30:00.000-07:00

with this post, i just want you all to know, i am not guilty as charged. can't you just really understand the word "sincerity?" so, i don't care about your reaction with this, the hell, i'm so over you.

1. sorry for the person i've become during math. sorry, i just couldn't help my depression. denise, i'm really sorry. i put you into this. i'm the lamest person i have ever seen. i know crying was the least i could do, but i just couldn't help but do. for all those people who think i'm sort of "maarte," i'm sorry. it is clearly my fault. it's really akward how any times i cried this year. i blame my lameness. i should have done better. *sigh*

2. i'm not sorry if i have changed. it's not my fault. i won't say sorry for who i am. if you're my friend, be ready to accept the true me and whatever i will be. backstabbers, you suck! but a change would be good, for you. as much as i want to change, but i won't change if its for you. either way, i'll still look like a plastic. *groan- i stand no chance in having you as a friend again.

3. to this teacher. i'm really sorry for what WE done. we we're loosers because we didn't grab the opportunity of having your trust back. we just can't let our pride go away. i'm sorry. i'm writing cowardly here. i know this blog would not even reach your computer/mind since i'm part of your most hated. but here i am, expressing my thoughts, which i know and anyone who reads this, that you won't know. i just want you to know, i'm sorry. i wish you could come back to us, YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO US. i miss you.

4. to the next level. i watched this youtube about cole sprouse. he was interviewed about the type of girl he would like to meet, and guess what he said. ME! haha, kidding. he said he really like girls with braces. :0 cole and i are so totally forever. haha! wait, no. how about edward cullen? my most precious one. the one with the crooked smile, the pale skin, the perfect one. haha! i'll have to two-time. LOL. haha. i won't, don't worry. these are just my fantasies. there's no way they'll love me back.. :(( move on. aww, heartbroken ;) kidding. :) so yeah, see you in the future, cole sprouse and robert pattinson. take care. LOL.

5. my best friend. he's a he. haha! i'm so gonna miss him when he's absent. i don't want to look at nothing. gets? my bestfriend and i, we have known each other for barely 5 months. he's the someone i go to when i have problems, he knows how to keep a secret and he knows every single thing about me, well, i guess. he's just the type of person i dream about. he's the type of person i should dream about and can't live without. i'm just not complete when he's not around. pretty much akward. he and i are doing great, i hope i could tell the right words when i tell him about twilight. o.O ily best friend :*

6. Twilight saga. it's the only book i got addicted to. it's really akward how much i can relate to, but one things for sure, it's a book abiut romance, sweetness and i love edward cullen. i want to break the neck of the guy whou published midnight sun, which still is incomplete. by that happening, stephenie meyer doesn't want to continue the story. hey you mr. publisher, dang you you should have waited for it to be published. a little patience maybe could have worked that out. nice timing you got out there, looser. i wouldn't be inspired to read the next books. aghh, i hate you. good thing edward's hot. and taylor. but still, you should have waited /:)

7. Quarterly test. pressure. i didn't study for the weekend. i was too lazy to do so. and now, i had to face my consequence, the sweet tremblance of failure. i have accepted the fact taht i won't get a card anymore. well, it's ok. i never dreamt of holding one anyway. there are a lot of chances out there. the card can fly to their hands, but my dignity will stand out. i'm not really the person who is uhm, studying, i'm not that. it just so happens 1st qtr is still a prerequisites. and my favorite lessons just caught me, but this 2nd qtr, i don't care that much. i'll fail anyhow. and what if i don't want to be in the star anymore? because of the people i will miss because they didn't want it to be there anymore. like, uhm, my bestfriend. there's no more worth going to school, if i won't see him that much. i just hope everything will be fine for camiguin. though we have the rough times. we can do this. as long as we're together, it's cool.

the reason behind my absence.

2008-09-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

eep, i was absent, dated 29th of september. stomach ache, groan. it was actually the night before, that i felt it; thinking it would past next morning which really didn't happen, it doesn't want to cooperate with me. exactly 6:00 am, i woke up. not feeling any worries, 6:30 uh-oh, the pain. aghh. [=))] so my mom told me to stay, which i really hated myself for looking a dog. when she said sit, i would, no complain, just like what happened a while ago. maybe, i did agree to her. so 7:00 it went good, that damn '6:30 happening' made my day uhmm, bad. if you just saw my reaction when my mom said i couldn't go to school, i was like, are you sure? i haven't been absent for uhm 3 years in a row, and i don't remember how to be absent anymore. groan. so back to 7:00, i was planning to go to school, and just ditch TLE, the boring-est ever. ahaha! half day. so yeah, i passed this 'petition' to my mom, and gladly she liked agreed to it, and here comes my dad, to my surprise, my mom had called her already. when i called him, not even saying a word, he said 'no'. err, okay, i didn't even tell a single word yet. haha, i just wondered, what if i was going to tell him, 'dad, you are now allowed not to give me allowance' then he'd say 'no!' haha, what if i said, 'dad, it's okay if you dont want me to buy a car and a new house' then he'd say, 'no!' haha, enough daydreaming. so i have nothing to do the whole day, i just read twilight, and eep, i'm done with it. it was uhm, 7:30 when i finished it, and right this very moment, i'm not doing anything but seriously type. i have no one to talk to, except to my lola, who was almost half-deaf. i now know how to live all by myself, thanks to this experience. LOL.

maybe i'd just waste my time writing 'useless posts.' i have nothing better to do, and my brain doesn't stimulate anymore. uh-uh, no blood circulating. excruciatingly, i have no better plans anymore, so probably, i'll end this already and get a good 'noon' sleep. :-S

hope i won't miss a lot in school. :-?:-h

insanity.

2008-09-28T06:30:00.000-07:00

does twilight really puts TOO MUCH ADDICTION to humans?! well, yeah, i could explain. now i know why girls love, ROBERT PATTINSON. the guy who portrayed edward cullen, which seems to me, and to the other girls that he's perfect. o.O his descriptions in the book are too gorgeous for me to handle. honestly, i don't think robert's cute. he does really look like a vampire, but not just i was expecting. ALTOUGH, he's kinda cute. i don't know what the book done to him, but he really is cute when i started reading twilight, but maybe if i haven't, he would still look like a total dork to me. i now know, the book adds appeal to the person portraying it. if i was only on the book, dang. =)) it has been like everyday, when i surf the internet, i'd search about the movie, and right this very moment, i am. and exactly right now, i'm totally getting jealous of kristen stewart, aka: bella swan. she's too not that pretty for robert [ohmagawd, am i jealoused of her?!] so yeah, the reason why my face is not that much in front of the computer, it's because of twilight. i'm reading. o.O can't wait for the movie. :O i have already asked my mom about my plan for the movie, watching it with her. though it was really hard for my dad to disagree, he finally agreed. at the back of my mind, i knew he won't like the movie. darn. i wish i could start new moon. *sigh*

and here i go again, to my creative world of my imagination. i think, i'm addicted to robert pattinson. LOL. he's visited my dreams once, and i'm about to end it. so here's how the story goes.

-i lived in France, as well as he does. i was going to my school,[forgot the name]. i'm a senior like him. he fell in love with me[err.] and i loved him back too. [o.O] he wasn't a vampire, which makes our love story more, uhmm, possible. yeah. we ate together in lunch, he picks me up every morning and bring me back home. days were perfect for us, we hang out together and we are madly inlove with each other. THERE WAS NEVER A SCENE IN MY DREAM WHEREIN WE HAD A PROBLEM WITH OUR 'SOCIAL LIFE.' how i wish life was absolutely liked that. so heep, we were together until we reached college, he followed me to what school i went and gladly after 4 years, to sum up the relationship, we were ready for the covenant of marriage. haha. no body butt in, no body rejected to our decision. we lived together in FRANCE, happily ever after. :]

mood swing.

2008-09-27T05:42:00.000-07:00

friday scenario. snobbish, irritated with the world. not in the mood. hates everyone, doesn't even know why. bummer.

saturday morning, cramming. the friday mood made me feel super not-in-the-mood so i wasn't able to make up for the "backlogs/unsubmitted hw's" to the so-called "tutor." i could have been scolded by my "teacher." yep, obviously i have "tutor." but to me it doesn't sound like it. i was forced to do it, since my tita owns it, and to show support, me and my sister has to suffer this crucial life. either way, it shows that i won't get out of this "tutor." bummer, crammer; a new identity. so bla bla bla, it seems like, i really do have math every day. INCLUDING THURSDAYS. math hunts me, and i don't like the feeling of it. STALKERRR. so yeah, i was stuck there for an hour. after that, i was talking personally with my mom. i told her these highlights, "when i reach fourth year, i'll have a life of my own. i'll chill at malls on weekends with my "girlfriends" hang out everywhere. buy new clother, etc etc. and you cant stop me" it was a joke. what she answered? a laugh. but the laugh's very different, it seems like, it was the first joke i ever told, and yea, it made me feel happy too. ily mom :*

saturday, after lunch. nerdy :) i read twilight and now, currently on the 254th page. good luck. a lot more to come. haha! i was addicted to twilight to be honest, i even made research about robert pattinson. his pictures and stuff. while i was searching, i also went searching for these other "guys" namely, cole sprouse, martin barlan, joe jonas, skandar keyenes, koike teppei, sean faris and the guy who i forgot his name. haha. so yeah, i kinda think robert pattinson's cute, but not as gorgeous as i though he was.

moments ago, i just wann have fun. :) and this is why, i put courage and enthusiasm in writing a new post. also, i buzzed a few people kidding them around. and i resulted having a long fun discussion, with one person, teddydore roosevelt. hahaha :)) hannah and lourdes weren't online so i wasn't able to do the usual "goofing around" though plan B, my cousins were here, and when they come here, i'm the boss since i'm the eldest. haha, queen pat, cool! :D this result of insanity, made me happy for receiving 5 ninoy aquino bills for doing nothing. cool. :D i love doing this game.

what i ate this day, uh-oh, not so good. morning. i ate rice with egg. the usual food. lunch, pizza at sicillian, somewhere ortigas. i ate two slices, with pasta. 5 POUNDS. :'( joke. haha :)) dinner, chicken, sinigang and lumpia [don ask why its many, my grandmother came, what do you expect? a feast. ahaha!] i ate a lot, with a cup of ice cream. chocolate since my cousins are KIDS. *the next time you see me, i'll be walking in the plank for suicide, haha. joke. :))

move on :]

2008-09-25T03:34:00.001-07:00

so yeah, timothy and i are doing great. i'm not regreting anymore that i sat beside him. haha :) i have to be happy with him, i'll be spending a quarter or the rest of the schoolyear with him. so, good luck :)

before, a boy named louie is courting lourdes, a bestfriend. louie, to be honest was my PAST crush. and i have totally moved on. i have accepted the fact he won't like me back. it USED to be hurt, but not anymore. 23rd of september, lunch time, L, H, and P was listening on L's ipod. sountrip, bla bla bla. louie came in with jalen, his friend. lourdes and louie were chatting bla bla bla and i was still listening to lourdes' ipod. i tuned on fall for you, which may seem like, an emo song. i was singing when suddenly, raezyl tapped over my shoulders, "pat, it's ok. i know you could move on." latter i realized, what she was pertaining to was louie. haha =)) i've moved on 5 years ago. grade 3. i find him cute, but i don't like him anymore. so stop teasing me with him, i got over him. and it's sort of irritating me already. i don't like him, period.

i finally realized, i was getting jealous of her. [not lourdes, a different story. ] i know i'm not the girl who you really like, and i have no chances of making you like me back. but this time, i'll change the rotation of the earth. it hurts to accept the fact that you like her, and hopelessly not me. and now, i realized, that's the good part of everything. you're holding too much of a person who you know won't even waste a time to hold you back. somebody likes you, but not the person you were expecting. you have to love suspense and thrill. i've learned, i won't need you in my life just the way you don't need me. GOODBYE, I HAVE TO LET GO. i'll never win this test of destiny. i always loose. so goodbye, and i'll miss you. :*

talking nonsense. haha!

and the world is jealous. <3

2008-09-21T04:03:00.000-07:00

i've probably heard it. i'm r***a. damn, that's what i have been thinking all along. i've come to think about it, and hey, i've seen this in a lot of these in movies, that i can't be in love with you. i'm just in high school, everything changes in college. and i still have the years lined up in front of me to find a perfect man. sure, it can be you, as long as you can wait.

Youarethesoundtrackofmysummer

to be honest, idon'tknowwhyilikeyou. and hey, i don't need to know. :)

OHMYGAWD.

joe's totally hot. i just kept thinking of him every single second of my life. damn demi levato, don't you dare touch my joe. haha! [i'm pertaining to JOE JONAS, ok?] haha!
i don't know what to do. you said i have to lessen the **** and the *****. i can't. it's hard. i don't want to end my high school life with regrets. ithinkishouldnotfollowyou. this time i have to beleive on my instincts, sorry.

pressure.

err, i'm on this topis again. icanfeelthepressure,itsgettingclosernow. it's been since like never i felt this. this is totally new. it's like for the first time, i think i have to focus on my studies now. my parents expect a lot from me. i have to excell. :( i don't want to see myself being hated for people because i'm a grade conscious. i don't want to turn to that. i maybe a geek, but i can handle it. i'mstillenjoyinghighschool.

jealous
ohmygawd, i'm watching camp rock now. i know its kinda akward, but yes, i'm watching. and that demi levato, i want to kick her ass. JOE JONAS, i'm so totally addicted to you. i'm so much jealoused now, i wanna be in her place. maybe not, IMPOSSIBLE. so to make it more "Realistic-like" i want a guy to do that to me, write a song, sing with me, laugh with me. :) akward much, that's for old people. haha! ilovejoejonas! ahh.

status:so addicted <3
pat jonas <3

i can't be addicted to you.

2008-09-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

i'll be true. i've been dying to know who r***a is and to be honest, i wish i was her. she's everything about your profile. the captions, the everything. how i wish i was her. i'm 99.9% sure that isn't me, but the 0.1% keeps me hangin' on. spare me three last words before i let you go.

i hate the way you make me smile. i never want to talk to you anymore, it just reminds me of how much i love you, and when i realize how much i love you, i realize how much i need you, and in the end, i realize i'll never have you.

i'm not in love, it's way between. yeah, you were the first to do this to me. is this high school's fault or my drama?! you're the reason why i'm living, and now i want to start dying. i can't have you but i push myself to you. i have to hate you and avoid you. but i simply can't.

The sun has set and the gray sky fade in blue, been wanting to say goodbye but it leads me back to you, and the rain starts to fall down, as I watch the stars crash into the night..I wish I could turn, turn back the hands of time..

As I pick up all the pieces that you have left behind, my heart bleeds your smile and my soul starts to die

Now I'm screaming I'm shouting I can't hear a thing, my eyes burn and blister I can't feel the pain, I don't know why I'm here..

you are more than like but not LOVE. i have to admit, yes, i've been so much happy when i'm talking to you. i can't even last a day without looking at you. you just don't know how much it feels, i can't last a day without chatting and thinking of you. I WISH I WAS YOUR ONLY ONE. :*

backstabbing gets so familiar this days.

2008-09-19T03:36:00.000-07:00

the lies, the drama, the backstabbing; it's all being familiar. it's been pretty obvious you're hiding things. with a hidden agenda of revenge and payback. it's all getting practical. i had too much of this, and now, i know how to prevent myself from doing this and being in the situation.
-if you can't fit in, don't force yourself. you'll just have over humiliation with yourself. be the one to accept the fact that, THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. don't wait for things to reach the boiling point. if you want to be a part of the circle, change. swallow that pride.-

latest updates with P.
-P hates this girl. i used to hate her, but now, she's ruined some friends' idea about this surprise and she's over reacting too much
-P and L walking on the catwalk. L jumps as she sees EE.
-L and H getting along again because of PD.
-P wishing she was r***a.
-P and H fighting over a t-shirt. JL butts in and solves the case :D
-JA turned 13. happy birthday!
-P, M, R and C laughing over the old stone :D
-P and T FIGHTING FOR A NOTEBOOK!

pressure.

2008-09-18T05:20:00.000-07:00

yeah, P receives a card. high up on the stage of ESS, with setonians looking. hell yeah, i loved the attention. after this, she was ready to face a new world. a world with full of pressure.
-would you still accept me even though i don't get a card next quarter? on the third? and the fourth? what if you rely on me for the group works, etc.-
i don't want this world. i never wanted to be. I AM NOT A GRADE CONSCIOUS. i am absolutely positive with that. i just want to be the same old me. the happy-go-lucky. but this year changed me, i should have just made fun of my grades, i was never expecting this white paper.
:'(

betterr.

2008-09-16T05:40:00.000-07:00

so ok, minus one on my list. thanks fatima. noo, it wasn't that simple. only a little. we're ok. yeah, 2 more people on my list for things to be 99.9 % [at least] back to normal. des and hann. no, i change my word, i won't give up. things will be okay.

torn.

2008-09-15T03:16:00.000-07:00

as the earth crashes, two people stayed beside me. they were the best i could ever have, and i could ever known. we were on the cliff. i was on the middle. both of them fell except for me, who was i going to reach out for? my bestfriend who has been with me for barely 2 years, or the other who i was with during lunch and break most often. we were a group of three, which makes us odd and close to each other. when we were 4, at first it was a whole, whom after like a week or two started to separate into groups of two. this girl who was added, stole my bestfriend. not literally stole, but she divided us. i didn't care at first, as long as i see my bestfriend happy with her. but as time past by, it's bugging me too much. yes, she was the so-called "hated by everyone." she has been a watch out person to the class. she was perfect as denoted last year[grade 6] BUT she wasn't the old lady i knew. she's changed a lot. and i must say, i liked the old her. the old her was the one on the corner, reading a book, didn't care much attention to much things, the one who studied, studied and studied. though all she knew was study, she knew how to budget her time with her friends. but now is different. things have changed, and she did. it didn't bug me MUCH, but she's far beyond that now. i want to be back to my days last year. when we weren't that close yet. no, i don't regret knowing you. to be honest, you've been part of me, you've been a friend. perhaps, close friends.

if you think i hate you, you are completely right. since then you fought with my bestfriend, don't you dare show your freakin' ugky face to me. in my blog, i won't pay attention to you. I DON'T NEED YOU IN MY LIFE. wtf, you don't have to throw her away. don't put her on our war, she's completely innocent. hey, know what? i can describe you with many descriptions and guess what? smart goes on the top. happy? but look til 1 million, billion and trillion, you won't be able to find another nice description there. being number 1 doesn't even matter. BEING SMART DOESN'T EVEN MATTER. remember this, you don't need to put yourself on the top. we don't recognize you for that and we won't even care if you are there. the teachers for sure won't even care. you're already there, you just have to prove it. be recognized as a good person, not the smart one. even if you are smart yet you have this bad side of you, you won't get noticed. believe me on this.

why did the story even change to that? haha. so yeah, i'm back. i've been a sucka standing over some of your fights, but this is different now. i wanna change, i'm standing up for what i believe in. i want this fight to be over. i'm having a hard time, why? you don't even want to cooperate. it's like you don't even want this to be settled. no, i'm not happy with this, i'm totally not. if you don't even want improvement with what you are doing, fine, on my point, simply tell it. don't let me fit in for something i should not be.

how come when people change for the worse, we immidiately see and when people change for the better, we don't even notice they did. i've seen this quote from joann's table, start the day by not saying if only but next time. i do not believe that. if it really is true, why do second chances never matter? regrets. :'(

is apollo too gorgeous?

2008-09-14T05:12:00.000-07:00

yeah, a lot of girls had been hypnotized by his unfading gorgeousness. haha:)) and i must say i'm one of that. :) he was handsome, yes, but there's only one wrong thing with him. he was small. haha, [sorry apollo.] but even though, athena liked him. despite of his imperfections. i didn't want to say much. i'll just begin with the conflicts athena had with him. let me start it this way.. he is cute, and girls in the class adored him. it just so happens, apollo liked athena and the other way around. it was persephone who proffesed first. blah blah blah, and in the end, she ends up crying when she heard the word "sorry" which seems like to all girls, they didn't expect it. right? but that's life, the other one ends up lucky while the other ends up crying her heart out. that was the first test.

the second when alice, proffesed too. she was the girl which as everyone knows, has the boyfriend who was in college and playing for their basketball league. yep, it's true as what she's said. the boys she liked, well let's just say liked her too. but this time, she went home with that sad face with a tear on the left.she was heartbroken this time. the story reached to athena, and she didn't know how to react. alice, went crazy over apollo not liking her back. she hated athena. as this news reached Apollo, she talked to alice and after 2 days, it was over. though what happened was alright, it still left a mark. alice and athena's friendship before weren't like before. certain circumstances have past. you won't get over that. but past is past. they'll forget about it when they grow up..

the third, with sophie, [alice and sophie were mortals.] a real friend of athena. this was a secret. no more extra details. sorry for this. but it ends up they were ok. sophie said she's moved on. athena didn't know how to react then. but this time, she has to believe on her to prevent more conflicts.

and in the end they held tight with each other. though atena's friend questioned her, she continued to like him. and that was the end. they lived happily ever after on the second part of the story. haha :)

myself broken.

2008-09-14T03:56:00.000-07:00

i am totally broken. a misunderstanding is totally blossoming with me and my "friends." things have changed now, even us. we changed. i changed. :( i think, and i'm absolutely positive with this, they hate me. F and H told me i changed. i had stories before, about random things. and now, i've been talking about this guy i really like; T. i am not really sure if that's really true but L, she accepted me though i was a total b*tch. maybe, it was because i wasn't telling her much stories than F and H. and after all these times, i realized, she was the real friend. i realized, she really was a best friend. i used to be jealous of her. she was smart and pretty, unlike me. a total wretch. yeah, as days passed by a group of 4 suddenly was torn into half, leaving H and F together and P and L together. i hate to see this to us. we ate at the canteen not even talking at each other. when we're finished, it was back to normal, group of two's again. we don't even look like BEST FRIENDS anymore, friends which may nearly be classmates only. i don't want that to happen. i don't want to see the whole world crashing right in front of me.

and in this group, i had intrigues.

one with F.
-i don't want to say much of this. it was a secret, and when i post it wouldn't be a secret anymore. i'll just cut the story. we didn't mind of each other's feeling. as i was pushing her, she was trying neglect my support to her.

one with H.
-with regards to this, i guess its over. we talked about it, though i still have this alibi inside of me. i wanted it to stop but something tells me, it ain't over.